Testing 1,2,3

This is my life right now. 

Though I am getting better at getting up earlier. 

And by earlier I mean on time. 

And by on time, I mean 15 to 30 minutes later than my first alarm :-) 

But hey, it's a work in progress right?

***this blog is mainly to test how easy/hard it is to blog from my ipad***

#7. Dream Job

7. What is your dream job, and why?

When you think about dream jobs as a kid, you think about being a nurse, or a vet (all girls want to be a vet as a kid). I had all those "dreams" and then some! I'm pretty sure at one point I wanted to be a fire fighter. I blame Rescue 911 for that one. But as I got older, I realized that I had no desire for any profession.

When all the other kids were talking about what college they were going to and for what degree...I felt strange. I felt like I should want to be like them. But I didn't. I didn't want to go to college because I didn't want one of those degrees. I didn't want a regular ol job. And I certainly wasn't going to go pay for a degree that I would never use just to say that I went! (Not to mention the idea of sitting in a class full of strangers listening to lectures terrified me)

The truth is, I have always wanted to be a homemaker. A wife. A mom. A cook. A taxi. A medic. All those things that make up a good homemaker. That is what I want to do. And yes, "DO". People that think homemakers are just women who want to be lazy and refuse to work are crazy. There are plenty of women out there that do that...nothing. They sit on their butts and complain and let their house and children get out of control. I want to slap those kinds of women for giving those of us who actually want to create and provide a substantial home life for our families a bad name.

I want to be the woman who wakes up and fixes lunches and sees her family out the door before she takes the dog for their morning walk and run all the days errands. I want to be the woman who has the home clean and a real dinner prepared by the time her husband comes home. I want to be the woman who takes her kids to soccer and ballet (anything but football and hockey really) and brings snacks for all the other kids. I want to be the woman who not only keeps herself healthy but her family as well. I want to be the woman who has craft night, blanket fort night, and backyard camping nights with the kids while still being able to have date nights with my husband.

I want to do all of those things. And yes, that's a lot. But that's why its a "job". Its not a job in the sense that its something that I HAVE to do. Its a job in the sense that its work. Its something that will require diligence and patience and organization and time management and financial accounting. Its something that that I will have to work at but its something I want more than absolutely anything in the world. And maybe I cant do all those things (at least not at first) but I will do my damnedest trying.

{Plus, as a bonus, once my kiddos are a little older, I will have time to do theatre as a mom. To be able to be more involved while their away or in school etc. Right now, I have to work. So theatre is an addition to working and family. When my family is my work, it will make things easier (eventually ha). At least I think so. I sure do plan on it working out better in some manner that's for sure. }

I know this dream job is a while off from being able to come true. I'm okay with that! I dont mind working. I know its something that I have to do right now at this stage in my life. I know that its not an option and that's fine with me! Would I rather be home creating, cooking, and cleaning? YES!! But I'm lucky to have a husband that understands that I work a 9-5, so the house may not be clean all and the dinner may not be ready all the time. One day I will get to be a mom. One day. But until that day comes, I will work and see it as part of the process. Sometimes people just look at the goal...the end result and completely forget the beauty that can be in the process and progress. I too am guilty of overlooking it. But I try to remind myself all  the time...it will be your time one day. And when it is, you may miss these days....SO enjoy what you have when you have it.

My dream job will be reality one day. But until that day, I'm happy with my current one.

Honesty Unveiled: 6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

{ This was an email I wrote to my mom today...who has lost a ton of weight eating healthy and exercising. She's a fifty-something woman in great shape who goes to kick ass bootcamp three times a week...she's incredible. And she's my rock. I felt like unveiling the fears etc might be healthy. So I just decided to post my email}

Ok. So tell me the details of bootcamp again.




I have to do something.



I feel like Im lost at sea drowning with no help in sight. I almost had a meltdown over it at work this morning when talking to Jer.



I have the "its hard to even try because I always quit and fail" mindset. Where it feels like its never going to get better. That Im always going to be unhealthy and Im just going to end up even larger. Like being on a roller coaster that you have no control over that never ends. Its terrifying. It scares me so much I feel like there's no sense in trying...because I will just end up failing again.



Clothes arent fitting. Im eating crap (all the time...in excess). Im not active. Im failing. And it honestly feels like Im failing my husband too. He is positive and reassurring to me and all that. He tells me Im beautiful and pretty etc. But no matter what he says, I dont feel it, so its hard to receive. I have only gained, not lost, despite my few attempts at trying. I just dont know what to do anymore,and its too hard.



Jer has said he will get up and start running with me in the morning. Which will be good. If he will. And if I dont have to drag him out of bed. Im not sure Im strong enough for me, little alone for him too. And Im sure he will support whatver I have to do. He's really amazing with me...as he should be. :) I just..ya. Im sure you relate to all the things Ive said from some point in your life.



It just makes me feel like Im a bad wife for not taking care of myself. And of course theres the whole lack of self love thing. I know, that I want to be healthy. Not just for self esteem and for making my husband proud of me...but for my future. I dont want to be one of those pregnant ladies you cant tell are pregnant. I dont want to be the overweight mom who cant get down on the ground with her kids and play. I want to be an active soccer mom. Not the one who sweats on the sidelines. Its not fair to me, them, or Jer.



And yet, here I am...where I've been a billion times. Knowing the problem...unable to actually make the solution a reality.



Why couldnt God have given our family the high metabolism genes?! :)

Relationships with Parents

( I think its funny that whenever my sister blogs, it reminds me that I need to!)

My relationship with my parents seems to be ever changing. You're always going through a different stage though some things stay the same. My love never waivers thats for sure.

My mom is and will forever be my life's greatest "staple". Shes the one that I can run to for anything. The most calming thing is to lay in her lap and let her stroke your hair. It makes you forget all your worries and cares and just feel love. She is the reason I am who I am. I hope to be like her more every day. She's a strong woman full of real faith and love. Who wouldnt want that? What they say about your evolving relationship with your mom is true. Im not sure when it happens, but it does. Shes not only an amazing mom but she's an amazing friend. I would be absolutely lost without my mama.

My dad is my dad. I feel like our relationship is always changing. Life sometimes gets in the way of us being as close as we may be at other times. But all in all he is still my dad. I still miss him. I still love him with all my heart. It is extremely hard sometimes. But at the end of the day, I know that I want him in my life in some fashion. We dont speak as often as we should and we certainly dont see each other very often. We both have our own lives, and our own paths. Occasionally they cross and those are usually good things. I know that he would do whatever he could to be there for important things. I know his love is limitless with his kids. I am proud that he is finding happiness in his life as I have found mine. But as I said, sometimes life just makes it more difficult than you had thought it would be.

May the Blogging Begin: 20 Facts

I am being a copy cat, haha, and going to steal my sisters list for blogging. Why? Because I love to blog but dont make the time...and it seems like a pretty fun thing to do! So here's the list and I will start with #1. I am not sure how often I will do it. I dont want to commit to weekly, daily, or anything like that. But the subjects excite me so we will see how this goes. And thanks Jana for having better resources and ideas than I do! xoxo

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself
.2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

____________________________________________________________________

20 Random Facts

1. I am completely freaked out by things that "look like brains"...however I am not at all grossed out by ACTUAL brains. For instance: crop rows or the scales on the flying dog from Never Ending Story.


2. Fritos are my favorite chip. ESPECIALLY when served with French Onion dip. I could eat a whole bag in one day.


3. My mom is my hero. She's the strongest, most incredible woman I know and I hope to be just as strong and centered as she is.


4. One of my favorite memories is M&M brunches. I think that we should re institute them as MJ Square brunches. They're the most fun you can have before noon.


5. I avoid confrontation at all costs yet I love to debate. So much that it has gotten me in trouble a few times. There are a lot of things that I can overlook and let slide but if I feel my rights or someone else's are being crossed...I have to speak up.


6. I cannot wait for the day I am a soccer mom and homemaker ( complete with minivan). Its my hearts desire and always has been. And not for lack of desire to work, but because I desire to be the kind of mom who does it all and has it all together for her family. My heart is to serve my family.


7. There are days I feel like I will never overcome my battles with weight. And some of those days I am somewhat okay with that. And others it completely devours my thoughts and emotions making me think that Im a horrible person. I wish I could get past it but its absolutely the hardest thing Ive ever known.


8. I dont do well around or with older people. They make me uncomfortable and I dont know how to handle it. Its like I forget how to have conversation or behave. And that worries me....since we all get old.


9. I have irrational fears of chickens, armadillos, and cars submerged in water.


10. I knew I wanted to marry my husband 2 months into dating him. It took me 3 months to tell him I loved him...in an around the bush kind of way. haha He caught up to me 3 months later and it was the greatest moment of our dating life.


11. Laser Tag is possibly my favorite active activity. I get very competitive and extremely upset by the bratty children who dont follow the rules. (See, even now Im irritated writing about them haha)


12. In a perfect world, where money didnt matter, I would do some form of theatre involvement full time. I think it would the perfect thing. But in a world where I have to help pay bills which also means I have to work 8 hours...its just not feasible. However, if it were, I would quit my job tomorrow. Theatre is in my soul and there's no denying it.


13. I want another dog. But Im scared that Peanut will not adjust and it will just be complete chaos. Im also always worried that one dog will "snap" and hurt the other one. Ive seen it happen before and Peanut's even been a victim, but I hope one day I get over that.


14. When I think of dream homes, I dont think modern or grandeur. I think of a nice, warm tone, cookie cutter home in a good school system with a nice backyard. Thats the kind of place I want to live. Thats the kind of place I want to raise a family.


15. My deepest fear is that I will fail as a mother and wife. Nothing scares me more in the world.


16. I have learned that I am terrible at maintaining friendships. Not only am I terrible at it, I am jealous of those who arent. I havent always been this way but for some reason I cant remember how I did it before.


17. Musicals make my heart sing. I grew up on the classics. Summer Stock is my all time favorite.Annie makes me laugh. All of my own performances make me nostalgic. However, if I am cleaning house or crafting my choice would be Madea Goes to Jail (dont hate).


18. I miss singing in choir. I quit one choir/praise team for theatre which led me to a new choir. I quit the new choir to date my husband more or less. And now, I am in no choir and miss the feelings you get when you're singing with others (choir, theatre, or otherwise).


19. I want to take my husband to New York more than anything. To show him the things that flood my mind any time we watch ANYTHING that was filmed in NY. To let him feel the energy of the city. But Im not sure how to make that a reality without breaking the bank.


20. There are very few things that can brighten my day as instantly as hearing "Ant Mallowy" from my niece Kynlee. Shes the most precious 5 year old I know and I feel blessed to be her aunt. Its a joy to watch her grow up, though it sure does make me feel old!

Life

Life is great.

I absolutely LOVE being married. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread. We've been married now for 2 months and 2.5 weeks and every day is an adventure. Its just right.

Sure not everything is easy, but we have just about the same amount and level of "rough patches" as we did dating. They are very small and far between and we always end up making it better. Its life and it goes on and as long as it goes on with him, Im okay.

There are two things I have noticed since being married.

1. I cant spend money whenever I want. Its really hard to not just go buy the new pairs of shoes that you want because you know you have the money in your bank. REALLY hard. But we're on a budget and Im sticking to it. We're sticking to it. We're determined to save from the beginning (which we have) and never be caught up a financial creek. So far, we're doing really well. We have about 2 months of our expenses saved up. Sure there may be things we want to do along the way (vacations, etc) but we want to buy a house and have a significant amount to put down and still have some in savings. So we're saving. And Im passing on shoes and hoodies and impulse buys until then. :)

2. When you get married, your friends seem to disappear. I think its probably something that starts in the midst of an engagement and then you see the full results after the wedding is over. Im sure its because you're focusing on each other and the joys of being  married and being with each other. But it is nice to be with others too. Its hard to feel forgotten. To feel like you've done something wrong or offensive (or that maybe they just dont really enjoy your company after all). Its rough. I will survive with my husband, but it would be a much more fulfilled and joyful life if we had community to enjoy (outside of xbox headsets). And I get that friendship is a two way street....but it would be nice to feel like people weren't detouring away from our street all the time. Its been so long since we've been asked or contacted and it gets so hard to ask and get turned down so much. Empty promises and "we'll get together sometime"s are hard.

We just had a four day Thanksgiving weekend which we spent relaxing. It was nice. He helped me decorate for Christmas (because for some stupid weird reason, this year I wasnt motivated to do it like before). We had a spontaneous mini-date at Hey Day and played an hour of laser tag (thanks to buy 1 get 1 free). We did laundry, played lots of Halo Reach, slept in and stayed up late. And then there's Thanksgiving. This year my mom and her new husband took Cara to San Diego, CA to spend the holidy with my step sisters. Jana and Ryan went to his parents. And Jeremiah and I went to his parents for the meal. We had a wonderful time there. I love my inlaws. And then we went over the soon to be wed, John and Dale's for desserts. We ended up staying there for 3 hours just chatting it up...which is a favorite past time of mine with them. I cannot wait for their wedding in December (even though Im not able to attend physically)!!

However this was the first year Ive not seen any of my family. Its not about not loving who I did spend it with. Its about missing my own blood. My own traditions. It was weird. I dont like it. I never really thought it would be a big deal. But it is. Im going to need this not happen again. My family is my center. My support. My haven. So I need that in my life. I NEED it. Im going to be more conscious of this next holiday.

Which brings me to Christmas. I love this time of year. Its cheerful. Its bright. Its cold (I HOPE). I love it. What I dont love is the stress of feeling like you have to get people gifts. Its so hard! Do I love getting gifts? YES. And I actually love giving them....when I have the money AND when I dont feel obligated. This year, being newlyweds, we really dont have the extra to spend on everyone. Now dont get me wrong...we're still doing gifts. Just not what everyone would expect. I just hope it goes over well. I hope they see past the present.

In other news, we are volunteering and Poteet Theatre this week (hopefully will get to see Mrs.Cyndi Steele Harrod knock Ms. Hannigan out of the park). I just bought Kelly Clarkson's "Stonger" album and She & Him's Christmas Album. AND I can finally go look at Christmas lights! SO excited.

If I Loved You....Oh, I do.

I must say that I feel extremely loved and extremely lucky in life.

In the past month I have encountered situations that have let love shine boldly and bravely and they have truly touched me. My grandmother, Geneva Cearley, passed away on June 30th. We all knew it would be soon, so I had planned to go to rehearsal on the 30th, and then go to Enid around noon on July 1st. This was my plan. However, I walked into rehearsal where Cyndi and Shawna met me with what Id probably call tough love. They insisted that I leave and go to Enid immediately so that I wouldn't miss saying my goodbyes. It wasn't an order. It wasn't a command or them trying to make me feel something I wasn't. It was two women that I love, loving me enough to make me do what I needed to do. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Without their love, I would have missed getting to share mine with my grandma in her last hours. I can tell you that if it had ended up that way, I would have been devastated.

Through all the deaths in my life, I don't ever remember saying goodbye. Ive always had reasons (whether mine or my parents) to not go. I don't regret them. But this time was different. She was different. My family was different. This was the last parent of my moms...the last grandparent I had left. I needed to be there. I needed to be with her and I needed to be with my family. Deaths are a crazy thing. They are bittersweet. But they really bring people together. The love of my family that day and the days to follow made me so appreciative of them. I know that no matter what happens, family is always there. No family is perfect, but when they need to come together and be FAMILY, they do. Its loving unconditionally. Its beautiful.

On another note, my rehearsals for Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Carousel" began. It had been over a year since I had been involved in theatre. I took a hiatus to enjoy dating Jeremiah...which is a good thing as it turned into a proposal! :) It was the best decision Ive ever made. However, getting back into the grind was not so easy. I was lucky enough that Laura handled everything for me until music rehearsals started (among MANY other things she has done for me and this show since then). It was a gift that I cant repay. I had many struggles...mainly, calendar issues...and my cast and staff stuck with me. They never got angry with me or threw diva fits over it. I must tell you, the mistakes weren't small all the time. Yet, they took it with a grain of salt and adjusted! I am so lucky to have a cast that understands that I know what I'm doing I'm just rusty and have a billion things going at once. Seriously...55+ people that all treated me with kindness despite my ignorant mistakes which caused their inbox to be bombarded daily. I am blessed.

Not only does my cast love me, but my fiance has to be the best man in the world. After all, what man is going to willingly give up (more or less) his fiance for 2 months almost every night in the midst of wedding planning in the 3 months before their wedding? Jeremiah Parris did. I am blown away by his understanding through out this process. Not only his understanding but his support. He has done everything from my laundry to bringing me dinner when Ive been too rushed to remember my own. He even came up after a few rehearsals and helped us with the set. It make the show that much more special to me to look at the set and know that he helped. That may seem silly, but it just makes me love the show (and him) that much more! Once upon a time I had said "I will never be involved with someone who makes me choose theatre or them." He doesn't make me choose. He just chooses me %100. Its incredible. I'm a lucky woman. I am so happy that my schedule has finally opened up a little to allow me some time to see him! And in 57 days, I will be a lucky wife!

Wife. I still get excited and eager over the word....these next 57 days need to fly by. However, I'm learning that I still have a "few" things that need to be done! So August is going to be crunch month. I'm going to need help I think to make sure it all gets done. I'm sure I'll be asking Jana a ton of questions! Our families have been SO amazing throughout the wedding process. We've been blown away by the financial support that we received (including those who continually saved cans for us!) We have just been beyond blessed by everyones generosity and helping hand. You're all allowing us to have a beautiful wedding, and not go broke.

And last but not least, I know that I am sincerely cared for at the theatre because they moved a big audition so that they could attend our wedding. Really? Wow. I honestly have no words to show my level of gratitude and appreciation for that.

Life is shaping up just fine. We are moved into our new apartment (big thanks to my future in-laws)...well technically I am moved in...Jer will join me in 57 days! Tech week is over (hallelujah and amen) and we open tonight! Buy your tickets at www.poteettheatre.com. My new job is wonderful. Life is good. Love is all around.

Now if I could just squeeze in a seester date....all would be right with the world.

The Next Chapter

So something very exciting has happened last week.

I GOT ENGAGED!!!

To be honest, it was a complete suprise. I thought I was going to have to wait until Valentines, but I didnt! I couldnt be happier about it. I figured it was about time I blogged about it. Things seem to have picked up with life in general in the last 5 days, even without wedding/engagement stuff and this is the first chance I've had. I know people are wanting to know how he proposed. So here it is:


We had already made plans to go see my favorite musical, The Color Purple. He had never seen a big show like that before, and its one of my all time favorites so I was already pumped up about this day. I will say the thought had definately crossed my mind about him proposing then, but it was more of a wish. A wish so wanted that I even had tried to get my sister to suggest it to him (she told me to stop it and leave him alone haha). However, by the time the day came, Id written off the idea that it would happen. We were just going out on a nice date. We were both all dressed up. I had on a dress I'd never worn. He was all cute in his new purple dress shirt. We were cute as a button. We ate at Zios before the show, which was delicious and complete with peach belinis. Everything was normal. No hints. No awkward moments. Just a regular night out with my man.

So when we were leaving he wanted to smoke prior to getting to the theatre. At the time I thought it a bit weird but didnt matter as long as I could wait in the warm car. A skirt on a cold night was feeling like a bad idea at this point. We were walking toward the theatre, and I assumed we'd go in the closest doors. Because of where we parked that would mean the side doors. However, Jer asked what the front of the building looked like. I said more stairs and some statue. He insisted we go to the front because he'd never been there. I was a bit annoyed simply because of how cold it was, but was going to go along because it wasnt anything worth making any deal of. Well thank goodness I went along with it.

We got to the statue and he wanted to know who it was. So we stood there, reading the statue, and I said "ok can we go in now?" and his response was "almost". He then turned to me, got down on one knee and said "I love you so much Mallory and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"  I of course said yes immediately. The ring was beautiful (one of the ones Id pointed out to really like a week prior). He kissed me, put the ring on, and said "Now we can go in". I was all smiles all evening (and even still). I kept looking at my ring reflect in the safety lights on the stairs during the show haha. It was a perfect evening.

So now, we're getting married this fall! Its pretty crazy how fast it feels like its coming and yet it also feels like it will never get here. We're checking things off one by one, doing what we can when we can. This is a day Ive waited for since I was a little girl, and now its finally on its way! I know theres going to be a lot of things to do. A lot of details to track. And we're on a budget, a pretty small one though undetermined, so we'll be doing as much of it as we can by ourselves. Ive been craigslisting, bargain hunting, and asking the people we know. So far I feel like its going pretty well. Its just a matter of money really. Im so frugal about it all that I eat weird cheap home lunches, pick up any and all change I see laying on the ground/in flower beds, and we're going to start collecting cans for cash. So, if you have any change or cans you want to donate, all donations gladly accepted! hahaha no really...

 So thats my engagement story, and whats going on with life right now (for the most part). One day I'll get a chance to update other things but for now, starting the next chapter of my life is the thing that is more important and time consuming. I love it. And I love Jeremiah.

Balancing Two Loves

I am finding myself completely baffled by people that have it together. And by "it" I mean their lives. And by "their lives" I mean that they don't seem to have any trouble balancing everything they want, need, and hope to do. Maybe its all a mask and they really don't have it together. Maybe that's part of the balancing act is just making it appear that you're balancing everything. Being a magician. Maybe? It sure would make me feel alot better if that were the case.

Ive been in this situation before. But its never really carried as much weight as it does now. I'm working a 9-5:30 job, going to school 4 nights a week, have a dog that needs attention, and a man that I love and want to spend time with. Not to mention a family, friends, and the costume shop. Theres just not enough time in the days to do it all. The sad part about all of that, is a huge part of my life used to be theatre. I lived and breathed it. And now, I find it hard to even make it to other people's shows due to my own life continuing as normal. But the catch is, I'm not living my life with regrets. Im not sitting around hating life. I love my life. I love the people in it. I just am starting to miss my first love....the theatre.

How do people balance that? More specifically, how do couples balance their relationships when they're also involved in theatre? I know just from school demanding so much time that it can put a strain on a relationship to spend that much time apart. But there must be some magical equation that makes it work? No? Then surely theres some keys. Im at a point where I dont want to do theatre just to do it. That its okay to say no when Id only be doing something out of obligation. That in itself was huge. But what happens when I want to do something...but I also would like to spend time with the man I love? I dont know. Ive never been in love. And theatre is a big part of who I am. So how do I make them jive together?

I just feel so torn. I want to do both. I want to spend time with him, and still be involved in shows. But when Im involved in shows, my time with him is minimal...and that is a sad sad thing for me (and him). However, if I dont do shows, I eventually start getting the itch of missing them. I cant imagine my life without Jeremiah. But I cant imagine my life without theatre either. I dont want to choose between the two. I wont. They will coexist in my life. They have to. I just have to figure out how. How to balance it with all the other hats I wear.

Theres an opportunity that has come up to stage manage for a director that I love dearly and have worked with often. The catch is, rehearsals start 2 weeks after my school ends. Then there are two weeks off for holidays and we pick back up for rehearsals in January and rehearse til we open totaling about 6 weeks. By the time school is out, Ive just had 8 weeks of hardly seeing Jeremiah. They've been hard so far, and I can imagine they'll be harder as it continues. So to ask a patient loving man to spend another 6 weeks away from me? I feel like its cruel on some level. He's wonderful and tells me to do what I want to do. He will support me in whatever I decide. He wants me to be happy and wants me to not give up things I love. But I love them both. So, its just simply I dont know how to decide. There are consequences to each decision. Cant I just do both? haha

I know that next summer I will be busy starting in June running through the end of July with Carousel (which Ive been planning on since this last summer). And then I'm going to audition for Annie which will run next fall (its been over a year since I've been in a show already, by then it will have almost been 2 so Im really hoping that will work out). So if I take this Dec/Jan/Feb job, it will be three shows in one year. Ive done more before and loved it. But I had no one else to think about. My time was not better spent any other way. Now it is.... not that its better but its a whole different kind of deal. I wont do theatre all my life. Eventually I'll be too old or have too many kids or things of my own to do. I do plan on being with him all my life. But those facts dont make my decision any easier on whether to commit to another show.

I know its possible. I know it can happen. I just need to figure out how.

Or clone myself.