( I think its funny that whenever my sister blogs, it reminds me that I need to!)
My relationship with my parents seems to be ever changing. You're always going through a different stage though some things stay the same. My love never waivers thats for sure.
My mom is and will forever be my life's greatest "staple". Shes the one that I can run to for anything. The most calming thing is to lay in her lap and let her stroke your hair. It makes you forget all your worries and cares and just feel love. She is the reason I am who I am. I hope to be like her more every day. She's a strong woman full of real faith and love. Who wouldnt want that? What they say about your evolving relationship with your mom is true. Im not sure when it happens, but it does. Shes not only an amazing mom but she's an amazing friend. I would be absolutely lost without my mama.
My dad is my dad. I feel like our relationship is always changing. Life sometimes gets in the way of us being as close as we may be at other times. But all in all he is still my dad. I still miss him. I still love him with all my heart. It is extremely hard sometimes. But at the end of the day, I know that I want him in my life in some fashion. We dont speak as often as we should and we certainly dont see each other very often. We both have our own lives, and our own paths. Occasionally they cross and those are usually good things. I know that he would do whatever he could to be there for important things. I know his love is limitless with his kids. I am proud that he is finding happiness in his life as I have found mine. But as I said, sometimes life just makes it more difficult than you had thought it would be.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, April 2, 2012
Friday, July 15, 2011
If I Loved You....Oh, I do.
I must say that I feel extremely loved and extremely lucky in life.
In the past month I have encountered situations that have let love shine boldly and bravely and they have truly touched me. My grandmother, Geneva Cearley, passed away on June 30th. We all knew it would be soon, so I had planned to go to rehearsal on the 30th, and then go to Enid around noon on July 1st. This was my plan. However, I walked into rehearsal where Cyndi and Shawna met me with what Id probably call tough love. They insisted that I leave and go to Enid immediately so that I wouldn't miss saying my goodbyes. It wasn't an order. It wasn't a command or them trying to make me feel something I wasn't. It was two women that I love, loving me enough to make me do what I needed to do. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Without their love, I would have missed getting to share mine with my grandma in her last hours. I can tell you that if it had ended up that way, I would have been devastated.
Through all the deaths in my life, I don't ever remember saying goodbye. Ive always had reasons (whether mine or my parents) to not go. I don't regret them. But this time was different. She was different. My family was different. This was the last parent of my moms...the last grandparent I had left. I needed to be there. I needed to be with her and I needed to be with my family. Deaths are a crazy thing. They are bittersweet. But they really bring people together. The love of my family that day and the days to follow made me so appreciative of them. I know that no matter what happens, family is always there. No family is perfect, but when they need to come together and be FAMILY, they do. Its loving unconditionally. Its beautiful.
On another note, my rehearsals for Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Carousel" began. It had been over a year since I had been involved in theatre. I took a hiatus to enjoy dating Jeremiah...which is a good thing as it turned into a proposal! :) It was the best decision Ive ever made. However, getting back into the grind was not so easy. I was lucky enough that Laura handled everything for me until music rehearsals started (among MANY other things she has done for me and this show since then). It was a gift that I cant repay. I had many struggles...mainly, calendar issues...and my cast and staff stuck with me. They never got angry with me or threw diva fits over it. I must tell you, the mistakes weren't small all the time. Yet, they took it with a grain of salt and adjusted! I am so lucky to have a cast that understands that I know what I'm doing I'm just rusty and have a billion things going at once. Seriously...55+ people that all treated me with kindness despite my ignorant mistakes which caused their inbox to be bombarded daily. I am blessed.
Not only does my cast love me, but my fiance has to be the best man in the world. After all, what man is going to willingly give up (more or less) his fiance for 2 months almost every night in the midst of wedding planning in the 3 months before their wedding? Jeremiah Parris did. I am blown away by his understanding through out this process. Not only his understanding but his support. He has done everything from my laundry to bringing me dinner when Ive been too rushed to remember my own. He even came up after a few rehearsals and helped us with the set. It make the show that much more special to me to look at the set and know that he helped. That may seem silly, but it just makes me love the show (and him) that much more! Once upon a time I had said "I will never be involved with someone who makes me choose theatre or them." He doesn't make me choose. He just chooses me %100. Its incredible. I'm a lucky woman. I am so happy that my schedule has finally opened up a little to allow me some time to see him! And in 57 days, I will be a lucky wife!
Wife. I still get excited and eager over the word....these next 57 days need to fly by. However, I'm learning that I still have a "few" things that need to be done! So August is going to be crunch month. I'm going to need help I think to make sure it all gets done. I'm sure I'll be asking Jana a ton of questions! Our families have been SO amazing throughout the wedding process. We've been blown away by the financial support that we received (including those who continually saved cans for us!) We have just been beyond blessed by everyones generosity and helping hand. You're all allowing us to have a beautiful wedding, and not go broke.
And last but not least, I know that I am sincerely cared for at the theatre because they moved a big audition so that they could attend our wedding. Really? Wow. I honestly have no words to show my level of gratitude and appreciation for that.
Life is shaping up just fine. We are moved into our new apartment (big thanks to my future in-laws)...well technically I am moved in...Jer will join me in 57 days! Tech week is over (hallelujah and amen) and we open tonight! Buy your tickets at www.poteettheatre.com. My new job is wonderful. Life is good. Love is all around.
Now if I could just squeeze in a seester date....all would be right with the world.
In the past month I have encountered situations that have let love shine boldly and bravely and they have truly touched me. My grandmother, Geneva Cearley, passed away on June 30th. We all knew it would be soon, so I had planned to go to rehearsal on the 30th, and then go to Enid around noon on July 1st. This was my plan. However, I walked into rehearsal where Cyndi and Shawna met me with what Id probably call tough love. They insisted that I leave and go to Enid immediately so that I wouldn't miss saying my goodbyes. It wasn't an order. It wasn't a command or them trying to make me feel something I wasn't. It was two women that I love, loving me enough to make me do what I needed to do. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Without their love, I would have missed getting to share mine with my grandma in her last hours. I can tell you that if it had ended up that way, I would have been devastated.
Through all the deaths in my life, I don't ever remember saying goodbye. Ive always had reasons (whether mine or my parents) to not go. I don't regret them. But this time was different. She was different. My family was different. This was the last parent of my moms...the last grandparent I had left. I needed to be there. I needed to be with her and I needed to be with my family. Deaths are a crazy thing. They are bittersweet. But they really bring people together. The love of my family that day and the days to follow made me so appreciative of them. I know that no matter what happens, family is always there. No family is perfect, but when they need to come together and be FAMILY, they do. Its loving unconditionally. Its beautiful.
On another note, my rehearsals for Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Carousel" began. It had been over a year since I had been involved in theatre. I took a hiatus to enjoy dating Jeremiah...which is a good thing as it turned into a proposal! :) It was the best decision Ive ever made. However, getting back into the grind was not so easy. I was lucky enough that Laura handled everything for me until music rehearsals started (among MANY other things she has done for me and this show since then). It was a gift that I cant repay. I had many struggles...mainly, calendar issues...and my cast and staff stuck with me. They never got angry with me or threw diva fits over it. I must tell you, the mistakes weren't small all the time. Yet, they took it with a grain of salt and adjusted! I am so lucky to have a cast that understands that I know what I'm doing I'm just rusty and have a billion things going at once. Seriously...55+ people that all treated me with kindness despite my ignorant mistakes which caused their inbox to be bombarded daily. I am blessed.
Not only does my cast love me, but my fiance has to be the best man in the world. After all, what man is going to willingly give up (more or less) his fiance for 2 months almost every night in the midst of wedding planning in the 3 months before their wedding? Jeremiah Parris did. I am blown away by his understanding through out this process. Not only his understanding but his support. He has done everything from my laundry to bringing me dinner when Ive been too rushed to remember my own. He even came up after a few rehearsals and helped us with the set. It make the show that much more special to me to look at the set and know that he helped. That may seem silly, but it just makes me love the show (and him) that much more! Once upon a time I had said "I will never be involved with someone who makes me choose theatre or them." He doesn't make me choose. He just chooses me %100. Its incredible. I'm a lucky woman. I am so happy that my schedule has finally opened up a little to allow me some time to see him! And in 57 days, I will be a lucky wife!
Wife. I still get excited and eager over the word....these next 57 days need to fly by. However, I'm learning that I still have a "few" things that need to be done! So August is going to be crunch month. I'm going to need help I think to make sure it all gets done. I'm sure I'll be asking Jana a ton of questions! Our families have been SO amazing throughout the wedding process. We've been blown away by the financial support that we received (including those who continually saved cans for us!) We have just been beyond blessed by everyones generosity and helping hand. You're all allowing us to have a beautiful wedding, and not go broke.
And last but not least, I know that I am sincerely cared for at the theatre because they moved a big audition so that they could attend our wedding. Really? Wow. I honestly have no words to show my level of gratitude and appreciation for that.
Life is shaping up just fine. We are moved into our new apartment (big thanks to my future in-laws)...well technically I am moved in...Jer will join me in 57 days! Tech week is over (hallelujah and amen) and we open tonight! Buy your tickets at www.poteettheatre.com. My new job is wonderful. Life is good. Love is all around.
Now if I could just squeeze in a seester date....all would be right with the world.
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Next Chapter
So something very exciting has happened last week.
I GOT ENGAGED!!!
To be honest, it was a complete suprise. I thought I was going to have to wait until Valentines, but I didnt! I couldnt be happier about it. I figured it was about time I blogged about it. Things seem to have picked up with life in general in the last 5 days, even without wedding/engagement stuff and this is the first chance I've had. I know people are wanting to know how he proposed. So here it is:
We had already made plans to go see my favorite musical, The Color Purple. He had never seen a big show like that before, and its one of my all time favorites so I was already pumped up about this day. I will say the thought had definately crossed my mind about him proposing then, but it was more of a wish. A wish so wanted that I even had tried to get my sister to suggest it to him (she told me to stop it and leave him alone haha). However, by the time the day came, Id written off the idea that it would happen. We were just going out on a nice date. We were both all dressed up. I had on a dress I'd never worn. He was all cute in his new purple dress shirt. We were cute as a button. We ate at Zios before the show, which was delicious and complete with peach belinis. Everything was normal. No hints. No awkward moments. Just a regular night out with my man.
So when we were leaving he wanted to smoke prior to getting to the theatre. At the time I thought it a bit weird but didnt matter as long as I could wait in the warm car. A skirt on a cold night was feeling like a bad idea at this point. We were walking toward the theatre, and I assumed we'd go in the closest doors. Because of where we parked that would mean the side doors. However, Jer asked what the front of the building looked like. I said more stairs and some statue. He insisted we go to the front because he'd never been there. I was a bit annoyed simply because of how cold it was, but was going to go along because it wasnt anything worth making any deal of. Well thank goodness I went along with it.
We got to the statue and he wanted to know who it was. So we stood there, reading the statue, and I said "ok can we go in now?" and his response was "almost". He then turned to me, got down on one knee and said "I love you so much Mallory and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" I of course said yes immediately. The ring was beautiful (one of the ones Id pointed out to really like a week prior). He kissed me, put the ring on, and said "Now we can go in". I was all smiles all evening (and even still). I kept looking at my ring reflect in the safety lights on the stairs during the show haha. It was a perfect evening.
So now, we're getting married this fall! Its pretty crazy how fast it feels like its coming and yet it also feels like it will never get here. We're checking things off one by one, doing what we can when we can. This is a day Ive waited for since I was a little girl, and now its finally on its way! I know theres going to be a lot of things to do. A lot of details to track. And we're on a budget, a pretty small one though undetermined, so we'll be doing as much of it as we can by ourselves. Ive been craigslisting, bargain hunting, and asking the people we know. So far I feel like its going pretty well. Its just a matter of money really. Im so frugal about it all that I eat weird cheap home lunches, pick up any and all change I see laying on the ground/in flower beds, and we're going to start collecting cans for cash. So, if you have any change or cans you want to donate, all donations gladly accepted! hahaha no really...
So thats my engagement story, and whats going on with life right now (for the most part). One day I'll get a chance to update other things but for now, starting the next chapter of my life is the thing that is more important and time consuming. I love it. And I love Jeremiah.
I GOT ENGAGED!!!
To be honest, it was a complete suprise. I thought I was going to have to wait until Valentines, but I didnt! I couldnt be happier about it. I figured it was about time I blogged about it. Things seem to have picked up with life in general in the last 5 days, even without wedding/engagement stuff and this is the first chance I've had. I know people are wanting to know how he proposed. So here it is:
We had already made plans to go see my favorite musical, The Color Purple. He had never seen a big show like that before, and its one of my all time favorites so I was already pumped up about this day. I will say the thought had definately crossed my mind about him proposing then, but it was more of a wish. A wish so wanted that I even had tried to get my sister to suggest it to him (she told me to stop it and leave him alone haha). However, by the time the day came, Id written off the idea that it would happen. We were just going out on a nice date. We were both all dressed up. I had on a dress I'd never worn. He was all cute in his new purple dress shirt. We were cute as a button. We ate at Zios before the show, which was delicious and complete with peach belinis. Everything was normal. No hints. No awkward moments. Just a regular night out with my man.
So when we were leaving he wanted to smoke prior to getting to the theatre. At the time I thought it a bit weird but didnt matter as long as I could wait in the warm car. A skirt on a cold night was feeling like a bad idea at this point. We were walking toward the theatre, and I assumed we'd go in the closest doors. Because of where we parked that would mean the side doors. However, Jer asked what the front of the building looked like. I said more stairs and some statue. He insisted we go to the front because he'd never been there. I was a bit annoyed simply because of how cold it was, but was going to go along because it wasnt anything worth making any deal of. Well thank goodness I went along with it.
We got to the statue and he wanted to know who it was. So we stood there, reading the statue, and I said "ok can we go in now?" and his response was "almost". He then turned to me, got down on one knee and said "I love you so much Mallory and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" I of course said yes immediately. The ring was beautiful (one of the ones Id pointed out to really like a week prior). He kissed me, put the ring on, and said "Now we can go in". I was all smiles all evening (and even still). I kept looking at my ring reflect in the safety lights on the stairs during the show haha. It was a perfect evening.
So now, we're getting married this fall! Its pretty crazy how fast it feels like its coming and yet it also feels like it will never get here. We're checking things off one by one, doing what we can when we can. This is a day Ive waited for since I was a little girl, and now its finally on its way! I know theres going to be a lot of things to do. A lot of details to track. And we're on a budget, a pretty small one though undetermined, so we'll be doing as much of it as we can by ourselves. Ive been craigslisting, bargain hunting, and asking the people we know. So far I feel like its going pretty well. Its just a matter of money really. Im so frugal about it all that I eat weird cheap home lunches, pick up any and all change I see laying on the ground/in flower beds, and we're going to start collecting cans for cash. So, if you have any change or cans you want to donate, all donations gladly accepted! hahaha no really...
So thats my engagement story, and whats going on with life right now (for the most part). One day I'll get a chance to update other things but for now, starting the next chapter of my life is the thing that is more important and time consuming. I love it. And I love Jeremiah.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Balancing Two Loves
I am finding myself completely baffled by people that have it together. And by "it" I mean their lives. And by "their lives" I mean that they don't seem to have any trouble balancing everything they want, need, and hope to do. Maybe its all a mask and they really don't have it together. Maybe that's part of the balancing act is just making it appear that you're balancing everything. Being a magician. Maybe? It sure would make me feel alot better if that were the case.
Ive been in this situation before. But its never really carried as much weight as it does now. I'm working a 9-5:30 job, going to school 4 nights a week, have a dog that needs attention, and a man that I love and want to spend time with. Not to mention a family, friends, and the costume shop. Theres just not enough time in the days to do it all. The sad part about all of that, is a huge part of my life used to be theatre. I lived and breathed it. And now, I find it hard to even make it to other people's shows due to my own life continuing as normal. But the catch is, I'm not living my life with regrets. Im not sitting around hating life. I love my life. I love the people in it. I just am starting to miss my first love....the theatre.
How do people balance that? More specifically, how do couples balance their relationships when they're also involved in theatre? I know just from school demanding so much time that it can put a strain on a relationship to spend that much time apart. But there must be some magical equation that makes it work? No? Then surely theres some keys. Im at a point where I dont want to do theatre just to do it. That its okay to say no when Id only be doing something out of obligation. That in itself was huge. But what happens when I want to do something...but I also would like to spend time with the man I love? I dont know. Ive never been in love. And theatre is a big part of who I am. So how do I make them jive together?
I just feel so torn. I want to do both. I want to spend time with him, and still be involved in shows. But when Im involved in shows, my time with him is minimal...and that is a sad sad thing for me (and him). However, if I dont do shows, I eventually start getting the itch of missing them. I cant imagine my life without Jeremiah. But I cant imagine my life without theatre either. I dont want to choose between the two. I wont. They will coexist in my life. They have to. I just have to figure out how. How to balance it with all the other hats I wear.
Theres an opportunity that has come up to stage manage for a director that I love dearly and have worked with often. The catch is, rehearsals start 2 weeks after my school ends. Then there are two weeks off for holidays and we pick back up for rehearsals in January and rehearse til we open totaling about 6 weeks. By the time school is out, Ive just had 8 weeks of hardly seeing Jeremiah. They've been hard so far, and I can imagine they'll be harder as it continues. So to ask a patient loving man to spend another 6 weeks away from me? I feel like its cruel on some level. He's wonderful and tells me to do what I want to do. He will support me in whatever I decide. He wants me to be happy and wants me to not give up things I love. But I love them both. So, its just simply I dont know how to decide. There are consequences to each decision. Cant I just do both? haha
I know that next summer I will be busy starting in June running through the end of July with Carousel (which Ive been planning on since this last summer). And then I'm going to audition for Annie which will run next fall (its been over a year since I've been in a show already, by then it will have almost been 2 so Im really hoping that will work out). So if I take this Dec/Jan/Feb job, it will be three shows in one year. Ive done more before and loved it. But I had no one else to think about. My time was not better spent any other way. Now it is.... not that its better but its a whole different kind of deal. I wont do theatre all my life. Eventually I'll be too old or have too many kids or things of my own to do. I do plan on being with him all my life. But those facts dont make my decision any easier on whether to commit to another show.
I know its possible. I know it can happen. I just need to figure out how.
Or clone myself.
Ive been in this situation before. But its never really carried as much weight as it does now. I'm working a 9-5:30 job, going to school 4 nights a week, have a dog that needs attention, and a man that I love and want to spend time with. Not to mention a family, friends, and the costume shop. Theres just not enough time in the days to do it all. The sad part about all of that, is a huge part of my life used to be theatre. I lived and breathed it. And now, I find it hard to even make it to other people's shows due to my own life continuing as normal. But the catch is, I'm not living my life with regrets. Im not sitting around hating life. I love my life. I love the people in it. I just am starting to miss my first love....the theatre.
How do people balance that? More specifically, how do couples balance their relationships when they're also involved in theatre? I know just from school demanding so much time that it can put a strain on a relationship to spend that much time apart. But there must be some magical equation that makes it work? No? Then surely theres some keys. Im at a point where I dont want to do theatre just to do it. That its okay to say no when Id only be doing something out of obligation. That in itself was huge. But what happens when I want to do something...but I also would like to spend time with the man I love? I dont know. Ive never been in love. And theatre is a big part of who I am. So how do I make them jive together?
I just feel so torn. I want to do both. I want to spend time with him, and still be involved in shows. But when Im involved in shows, my time with him is minimal...and that is a sad sad thing for me (and him). However, if I dont do shows, I eventually start getting the itch of missing them. I cant imagine my life without Jeremiah. But I cant imagine my life without theatre either. I dont want to choose between the two. I wont. They will coexist in my life. They have to. I just have to figure out how. How to balance it with all the other hats I wear.
Theres an opportunity that has come up to stage manage for a director that I love dearly and have worked with often. The catch is, rehearsals start 2 weeks after my school ends. Then there are two weeks off for holidays and we pick back up for rehearsals in January and rehearse til we open totaling about 6 weeks. By the time school is out, Ive just had 8 weeks of hardly seeing Jeremiah. They've been hard so far, and I can imagine they'll be harder as it continues. So to ask a patient loving man to spend another 6 weeks away from me? I feel like its cruel on some level. He's wonderful and tells me to do what I want to do. He will support me in whatever I decide. He wants me to be happy and wants me to not give up things I love. But I love them both. So, its just simply I dont know how to decide. There are consequences to each decision. Cant I just do both? haha
I know that next summer I will be busy starting in June running through the end of July with Carousel (which Ive been planning on since this last summer). And then I'm going to audition for Annie which will run next fall (its been over a year since I've been in a show already, by then it will have almost been 2 so Im really hoping that will work out). So if I take this Dec/Jan/Feb job, it will be three shows in one year. Ive done more before and loved it. But I had no one else to think about. My time was not better spent any other way. Now it is.... not that its better but its a whole different kind of deal. I wont do theatre all my life. Eventually I'll be too old or have too many kids or things of my own to do. I do plan on being with him all my life. But those facts dont make my decision any easier on whether to commit to another show.
I know its possible. I know it can happen. I just need to figure out how.
Or clone myself.
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