#2. Describe 3 legitamate fears and explain how they became fears
WEEEEEELLL
#1. Im am aboslutely terrified that I will fail as a wife and mom. I suppose this comes from watching others fail (not my own, thank you Lord). I will do everything I can to not let this happen. I want to make my kids (whenever they may come around...not for awhile though) and my husband proud and feel supported and nutured at all times. I think that there is so much destruction of families, with people who you'd never expect that it just terrifies me that the world can destroy it all.
#2. I am scared to death of snakes (and chickens and armadillos....but I have no rationality for those two so we're sticking to snakes). I remember being little and making my mom check my sheets at night for snakes. I was CONVINCED there was a pit of them at the foot of my bed in the tucked in sheets. I cant pinpoint the time the fear began, but Im sure I saw something terrifying in school or on tv. I do remember being forced to walk through a bus full of freakshow snakes that were all crazy colors, deformities, etc. Im sure that didnt help. I hate snakes. All kinds, sizes, colors, drawn, real, photos, ALL.
#3. Being trapped in small spaces ESPECIALLY in a car that is going underwater. I used to think it was just the car issue, but when I watched the World Trade Center movie, I learned its small spaces as well. My heart starts to pound and my breath gets real short. I cant watch the action movies when a car dives off the bridge into water....I close my eyes every time. I think I would panic so much if it happened, I wouldnt be able to get out and would quickly use all the air. I know it sounds crazy that this is a fear, since I live in Oklahoma and well, we dont exactly have lots of places to accidentally end up in your car in water haha. BUT its a fear and a big one.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
May the Blogging Begin: 20 Facts
I am being a copy cat, haha, and going to steal my sisters list for blogging. Why? Because I love to blog but dont make the time...and it seems like a pretty fun thing to do! So here's the list and I will start with #1. I am not sure how often I will do it. I dont want to commit to weekly, daily, or anything like that. But the subjects excite me so we will see how this goes. And thanks Jana for having better resources and ideas than I do! xoxo
2. Fritos are my favorite chip. ESPECIALLY when served with French Onion dip. I could eat a whole bag in one day.
3. My mom is my hero. She's the strongest, most incredible woman I know and I hope to be just as strong and centered as she is.
4. One of my favorite memories is M&M brunches. I think that we should re institute them as MJ Square brunches. They're the most fun you can have before noon.
5. I avoid confrontation at all costs yet I love to debate. So much that it has gotten me in trouble a few times. There are a lot of things that I can overlook and let slide but if I feel my rights or someone else's are being crossed...I have to speak up.
6. I cannot wait for the day I am a soccer mom and homemaker ( complete with minivan). Its my hearts desire and always has been. And not for lack of desire to work, but because I desire to be the kind of mom who does it all and has it all together for her family. My heart is to serve my family.
7. There are days I feel like I will never overcome my battles with weight. And some of those days I am somewhat okay with that. And others it completely devours my thoughts and emotions making me think that Im a horrible person. I wish I could get past it but its absolutely the hardest thing Ive ever known.
8. I dont do well around or with older people. They make me uncomfortable and I dont know how to handle it. Its like I forget how to have conversation or behave. And that worries me....since we all get old.
9. I have irrational fears of chickens, armadillos, and cars submerged in water.
10. I knew I wanted to marry my husband 2 months into dating him. It took me 3 months to tell him I loved him...in an around the bush kind of way. haha He caught up to me 3 months later and it was the greatest moment of our dating life.
11. Laser Tag is possibly my favorite active activity. I get very competitive and extremely upset by the bratty children who dont follow the rules. (See, even now Im irritated writing about them haha)
12. In a perfect world, where money didnt matter, I would do some form of theatre involvement full time. I think it would the perfect thing. But in a world where I have to help pay bills which also means I have to work 8 hours...its just not feasible. However, if it were, I would quit my job tomorrow. Theatre is in my soul and there's no denying it.
13. I want another dog. But Im scared that Peanut will not adjust and it will just be complete chaos. Im also always worried that one dog will "snap" and hurt the other one. Ive seen it happen before and Peanut's even been a victim, but I hope one day I get over that.
14. When I think of dream homes, I dont think modern or grandeur. I think of a nice, warm tone, cookie cutter home in a good school system with a nice backyard. Thats the kind of place I want to live. Thats the kind of place I want to raise a family.
15. My deepest fear is that I will fail as a mother and wife. Nothing scares me more in the world.
16. I have learned that I am terrible at maintaining friendships. Not only am I terrible at it, I am jealous of those who arent. I havent always been this way but for some reason I cant remember how I did it before.
17. Musicals make my heart sing. I grew up on the classics. Summer Stock is my all time favorite.Annie makes me laugh. All of my own performances make me nostalgic. However, if I am cleaning house or crafting my choice would be Madea Goes to Jail (dont hate).
18. I miss singing in choir. I quit one choir/praise team for theatre which led me to a new choir. I quit the new choir to date my husband more or less. And now, I am in no choir and miss the feelings you get when you're singing with others (choir, theatre, or otherwise).
19. I want to take my husband to New York more than anything. To show him the things that flood my mind any time we watch ANYTHING that was filmed in NY. To let him feel the energy of the city. But Im not sure how to make that a reality without breaking the bank.
20. There are very few things that can brighten my day as instantly as hearing "Ant Mallowy" from my niece Kynlee. Shes the most precious 5 year old I know and I feel blessed to be her aunt. Its a joy to watch her grow up, though it sure does make me feel old!
THE LIST:
1. List 20 random facts about yourself
.2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
.2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
____________________________________________________________________
20 Random Facts
1. I am completely freaked out by things that "look like brains"...however I am not at all grossed out by ACTUAL brains. For instance: crop rows or the scales on the flying dog from Never Ending Story.
2. Fritos are my favorite chip. ESPECIALLY when served with French Onion dip. I could eat a whole bag in one day.
3. My mom is my hero. She's the strongest, most incredible woman I know and I hope to be just as strong and centered as she is.
4. One of my favorite memories is M&M brunches. I think that we should re institute them as MJ Square brunches. They're the most fun you can have before noon.
5. I avoid confrontation at all costs yet I love to debate. So much that it has gotten me in trouble a few times. There are a lot of things that I can overlook and let slide but if I feel my rights or someone else's are being crossed...I have to speak up.
6. I cannot wait for the day I am a soccer mom and homemaker ( complete with minivan). Its my hearts desire and always has been. And not for lack of desire to work, but because I desire to be the kind of mom who does it all and has it all together for her family. My heart is to serve my family.
7. There are days I feel like I will never overcome my battles with weight. And some of those days I am somewhat okay with that. And others it completely devours my thoughts and emotions making me think that Im a horrible person. I wish I could get past it but its absolutely the hardest thing Ive ever known.
8. I dont do well around or with older people. They make me uncomfortable and I dont know how to handle it. Its like I forget how to have conversation or behave. And that worries me....since we all get old.
9. I have irrational fears of chickens, armadillos, and cars submerged in water.
10. I knew I wanted to marry my husband 2 months into dating him. It took me 3 months to tell him I loved him...in an around the bush kind of way. haha He caught up to me 3 months later and it was the greatest moment of our dating life.
11. Laser Tag is possibly my favorite active activity. I get very competitive and extremely upset by the bratty children who dont follow the rules. (See, even now Im irritated writing about them haha)
12. In a perfect world, where money didnt matter, I would do some form of theatre involvement full time. I think it would the perfect thing. But in a world where I have to help pay bills which also means I have to work 8 hours...its just not feasible. However, if it were, I would quit my job tomorrow. Theatre is in my soul and there's no denying it.
13. I want another dog. But Im scared that Peanut will not adjust and it will just be complete chaos. Im also always worried that one dog will "snap" and hurt the other one. Ive seen it happen before and Peanut's even been a victim, but I hope one day I get over that.
14. When I think of dream homes, I dont think modern or grandeur. I think of a nice, warm tone, cookie cutter home in a good school system with a nice backyard. Thats the kind of place I want to live. Thats the kind of place I want to raise a family.
15. My deepest fear is that I will fail as a mother and wife. Nothing scares me more in the world.
16. I have learned that I am terrible at maintaining friendships. Not only am I terrible at it, I am jealous of those who arent. I havent always been this way but for some reason I cant remember how I did it before.
17. Musicals make my heart sing. I grew up on the classics. Summer Stock is my all time favorite.Annie makes me laugh. All of my own performances make me nostalgic. However, if I am cleaning house or crafting my choice would be Madea Goes to Jail (dont hate).
18. I miss singing in choir. I quit one choir/praise team for theatre which led me to a new choir. I quit the new choir to date my husband more or less. And now, I am in no choir and miss the feelings you get when you're singing with others (choir, theatre, or otherwise).
19. I want to take my husband to New York more than anything. To show him the things that flood my mind any time we watch ANYTHING that was filmed in NY. To let him feel the energy of the city. But Im not sure how to make that a reality without breaking the bank.
20. There are very few things that can brighten my day as instantly as hearing "Ant Mallowy" from my niece Kynlee. Shes the most precious 5 year old I know and I feel blessed to be her aunt. Its a joy to watch her grow up, though it sure does make me feel old!
Monday, February 27, 2012
LOVE...changes your heaven
I only write here and there these days....I wish I were better at keeping up a blog but I'm just not. Oh well!
I just feel compelled to write about love. About the different things going on in my life that are constant reminders that love is all knowing, all changing, all encompassing, all around us. At least it is in my life. I have an amazing husband who loves me everyday despite how I may treat him or how clean our house is. I have a God who gives me love through all things though I don't deserve it. I have a family who continues to love me though we don't speak or see each other as often as we may life. I have an office, who truly values me as a team member. I have a dog who loves me when Jer's not around (haha). And I have a theatre family who despite my absence in the recent months, treat me as if I haven't been gone at all. I have all I could ever want really.
Without love...life wouldn't be worth it for me. That's what life is about for me. Love.
I try to love as unconditional as I can. Its a challenge some days, but I do try! We all should. There's nothing more precious than to see someones face when you've shown them love through kindness. For instance, Jer and I decided to go out on an arcade date last Friday. We wanted to go to Dave & Busters but we are just not willing to wait for hours...so hopefully the newness will wear off and eventually we'll make it there. In the meantime, we just went to HeyDay (secretly one of my favorite places I think). After watching the celebrity game and eating our pizza we started with our $20 of tokens and played pretty much every game in the place. At one point, we had played air hockey and I had started to walk away and this precious little boy came up and said "excuse me, you forgot these" and handed me my 4 tickets (I had lost obviously). I was so impressed!!! I promise there are not many kiddos there that would have given them to me instead of pocketing the tickets. I waved thanks to his dad, who has done a wonderful job raising a kid with manners and integrity.
So we decided that we would just win tickets to give to this little guy. Let me tell you...my husband is good at games. Particularly the shoot-em-up zombie ones. If I had let him, he would have played that all night I think. My favorites were Wheel of Fortune and pretty much anything that your tickets are based on timing. We ended up with 604 tickets! I may be wrong, but that felt like a heck of a lot. We tried to find the polite boy from before, however he was no where to be found. So we decided the smallest kid in the place would be the lucky one. It just so happened that the smallest kid was with the biggest (toughest looking) dad so I made Jer go up to them and give them our ticket receipt (I'm a wuss, I know). They were so polite and thankful. The little boy said "thank you" muffled through his mouth full of pizza and he got out of his chair and gave Jer a big hug. It was the most priceless moment. Well worth every cent of our date. Kindness pays off in a currency that can not be measured. And to me, showing kindness is love.
Jeremiah and I were able to go to the 2011 Season Poteet Awards show this weekend as well. These are always so special to me as this theatre has been a huge part of who I am today. It was incredibly exciting to watch all the surprised volunteers and kids receive their awards. It was even more exciting to watch Carousel win all but 2 categories (and one of those were one by our "Mr. Laurence" so that was an okay one). It just brought tears to my eyes to see the people be so thankful and speak about what an amazing place they have there. 90% or more of the people spoke about how Poteet is a family. I was weepy because its true! Its the most wonderful accepting family Ive known. It felt so good to be in their presence having not done anything since Carousel. They are home to me. They always will be. Ive spent countless hours there over the years and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
They're what made me fall in love with being a part of theatre. They're a support system that encouraged me to not be so hard on myself or shy .... which then led me to dating my husband! They're the reason I have MANY dear friends. They're the reason I felt confident enough to join choir which led to singing on the praise team. And Carousel itself was such a special moment for me for its own reasons. I was engaged, planning a wedding, moving into a new apartment...stage managing a cast of 54 directed by Cyndi. And if you've ever done a show with her, you know it means late late nights sometimes (though those are the greatest memories of my life). But most importantly, I lost my grandma during that show. They not only gave me permission and told me to go, when it was time to go say goodbyes. They handled everything seamlessly and surrounded me in love the whole time. I truly have never felt more tough, sincere love than I did when Cyndi and Shawna told me to get out of there and go do what I needed to do. If they hadn't done that, I wouldn't have gotten to say goodbye. The love of that place, is unending. I don't care what stage of my life I'm in...I will be involved there to some capacity. I was blessed to be able to spend Sunday helping with auditions, which just made my month to be there all day with them. They are irreplaceable. They are family.
And then we have a precious little girl named Katie Mei. I worked with her during Carousel as well. She was one of our little children who never missed. Always knew where to be, in what clothes with what prop. In fact, she got a tooth broken during the show and only missed 2 scenes! And on top of that, shes absolutely the sweetest thing you will ever know. Recently, she was diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma . I cant imagine what that news did to her and her family. But I will tell you what, she's a fighter. She's tough. Her mom keeps everyone updated, and Katie Mei is smiling her way though it as best she can. They came in on Sunday while I was helping with some auditions (time of my life I might add) and she was just as lively and happy as could be. I'm telling you, her spirit is special. This will not defeat her by any means. It is just giving her an amazing story to tell. Shawna was a dear and had bracelets made for everyone to wear in support of her. So that when you look around that building and other places and see the purple band, Katie Mei knows she is loved and supported by everyone. I wear mine proudly, ready for the day she gets to hear the words "its gone".
All this novel to just say how grateful I am for the love that surrounds me and those in my life. It keeps me going.
I just feel compelled to write about love. About the different things going on in my life that are constant reminders that love is all knowing, all changing, all encompassing, all around us. At least it is in my life. I have an amazing husband who loves me everyday despite how I may treat him or how clean our house is. I have a God who gives me love through all things though I don't deserve it. I have a family who continues to love me though we don't speak or see each other as often as we may life. I have an office, who truly values me as a team member. I have a dog who loves me when Jer's not around (haha). And I have a theatre family who despite my absence in the recent months, treat me as if I haven't been gone at all. I have all I could ever want really.
Without love...life wouldn't be worth it for me. That's what life is about for me. Love.
I try to love as unconditional as I can. Its a challenge some days, but I do try! We all should. There's nothing more precious than to see someones face when you've shown them love through kindness. For instance, Jer and I decided to go out on an arcade date last Friday. We wanted to go to Dave & Busters but we are just not willing to wait for hours...so hopefully the newness will wear off and eventually we'll make it there. In the meantime, we just went to HeyDay (secretly one of my favorite places I think). After watching the celebrity game and eating our pizza we started with our $20 of tokens and played pretty much every game in the place. At one point, we had played air hockey and I had started to walk away and this precious little boy came up and said "excuse me, you forgot these" and handed me my 4 tickets (I had lost obviously). I was so impressed!!! I promise there are not many kiddos there that would have given them to me instead of pocketing the tickets. I waved thanks to his dad, who has done a wonderful job raising a kid with manners and integrity.
So we decided that we would just win tickets to give to this little guy. Let me tell you...my husband is good at games. Particularly the shoot-em-up zombie ones. If I had let him, he would have played that all night I think. My favorites were Wheel of Fortune and pretty much anything that your tickets are based on timing. We ended up with 604 tickets! I may be wrong, but that felt like a heck of a lot. We tried to find the polite boy from before, however he was no where to be found. So we decided the smallest kid in the place would be the lucky one. It just so happened that the smallest kid was with the biggest (toughest looking) dad so I made Jer go up to them and give them our ticket receipt (I'm a wuss, I know). They were so polite and thankful. The little boy said "thank you" muffled through his mouth full of pizza and he got out of his chair and gave Jer a big hug. It was the most priceless moment. Well worth every cent of our date. Kindness pays off in a currency that can not be measured. And to me, showing kindness is love.
Jeremiah and I were able to go to the 2011 Season Poteet Awards show this weekend as well. These are always so special to me as this theatre has been a huge part of who I am today. It was incredibly exciting to watch all the surprised volunteers and kids receive their awards. It was even more exciting to watch Carousel win all but 2 categories (and one of those were one by our "Mr. Laurence" so that was an okay one). It just brought tears to my eyes to see the people be so thankful and speak about what an amazing place they have there. 90% or more of the people spoke about how Poteet is a family. I was weepy because its true! Its the most wonderful accepting family Ive known. It felt so good to be in their presence having not done anything since Carousel. They are home to me. They always will be. Ive spent countless hours there over the years and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
They're what made me fall in love with being a part of theatre. They're a support system that encouraged me to not be so hard on myself or shy .... which then led me to dating my husband! They're the reason I have MANY dear friends. They're the reason I felt confident enough to join choir which led to singing on the praise team. And Carousel itself was such a special moment for me for its own reasons. I was engaged, planning a wedding, moving into a new apartment...stage managing a cast of 54 directed by Cyndi. And if you've ever done a show with her, you know it means late late nights sometimes (though those are the greatest memories of my life). But most importantly, I lost my grandma during that show. They not only gave me permission and told me to go, when it was time to go say goodbyes. They handled everything seamlessly and surrounded me in love the whole time. I truly have never felt more tough, sincere love than I did when Cyndi and Shawna told me to get out of there and go do what I needed to do. If they hadn't done that, I wouldn't have gotten to say goodbye. The love of that place, is unending. I don't care what stage of my life I'm in...I will be involved there to some capacity. I was blessed to be able to spend Sunday helping with auditions, which just made my month to be there all day with them. They are irreplaceable. They are family.
And then we have a precious little girl named Katie Mei. I worked with her during Carousel as well. She was one of our little children who never missed. Always knew where to be, in what clothes with what prop. In fact, she got a tooth broken during the show and only missed 2 scenes! And on top of that, shes absolutely the sweetest thing you will ever know. Recently, she was diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma . I cant imagine what that news did to her and her family. But I will tell you what, she's a fighter. She's tough. Her mom keeps everyone updated, and Katie Mei is smiling her way though it as best she can. They came in on Sunday while I was helping with some auditions (time of my life I might add) and she was just as lively and happy as could be. I'm telling you, her spirit is special. This will not defeat her by any means. It is just giving her an amazing story to tell. Shawna was a dear and had bracelets made for everyone to wear in support of her. So that when you look around that building and other places and see the purple band, Katie Mei knows she is loved and supported by everyone. I wear mine proudly, ready for the day she gets to hear the words "its gone".
All this novel to just say how grateful I am for the love that surrounds me and those in my life. It keeps me going.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Life
Life is great.
I absolutely LOVE being married. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread. We've been married now for 2 months and 2.5 weeks and every day is an adventure. Its just right.
Sure not everything is easy, but we have just about the same amount and level of "rough patches" as we did dating. They are very small and far between and we always end up making it better. Its life and it goes on and as long as it goes on with him, Im okay.
There are two things I have noticed since being married.
1. I cant spend money whenever I want. Its really hard to not just go buy the new pairs of shoes that you want because you know you have the money in your bank. REALLY hard. But we're on a budget and Im sticking to it. We're sticking to it. We're determined to save from the beginning (which we have) and never be caught up a financial creek. So far, we're doing really well. We have about 2 months of our expenses saved up. Sure there may be things we want to do along the way (vacations, etc) but we want to buy a house and have a significant amount to put down and still have some in savings. So we're saving. And Im passing on shoes and hoodies and impulse buys until then. :)
2. When you get married, your friends seem to disappear. I think its probably something that starts in the midst of an engagement and then you see the full results after the wedding is over. Im sure its because you're focusing on each other and the joys of being married and being with each other. But it is nice to be with others too. Its hard to feel forgotten. To feel like you've done something wrong or offensive (or that maybe they just dont really enjoy your company after all). Its rough. I will survive with my husband, but it would be a much more fulfilled and joyful life if we had community to enjoy (outside of xbox headsets). And I get that friendship is a two way street....but it would be nice to feel like people weren't detouring away from our street all the time. Its been so long since we've been asked or contacted and it gets so hard to ask and get turned down so much. Empty promises and "we'll get together sometime"s are hard.
We just had a four day Thanksgiving weekend which we spent relaxing. It was nice. He helped me decorate for Christmas (because for some stupid weird reason, this year I wasnt motivated to do it like before). We had a spontaneous mini-date at Hey Day and played an hour of laser tag (thanks to buy 1 get 1 free). We did laundry, played lots of Halo Reach, slept in and stayed up late. And then there's Thanksgiving. This year my mom and her new husband took Cara to San Diego, CA to spend the holidy with my step sisters. Jana and Ryan went to his parents. And Jeremiah and I went to his parents for the meal. We had a wonderful time there. I love my inlaws. And then we went over the soon to be wed, John and Dale's for desserts. We ended up staying there for 3 hours just chatting it up...which is a favorite past time of mine with them. I cannot wait for their wedding in December (even though Im not able to attend physically)!!
However this was the first year Ive not seen any of my family. Its not about not loving who I did spend it with. Its about missing my own blood. My own traditions. It was weird. I dont like it. I never really thought it would be a big deal. But it is. Im going to need this not happen again. My family is my center. My support. My haven. So I need that in my life. I NEED it. Im going to be more conscious of this next holiday.
Which brings me to Christmas. I love this time of year. Its cheerful. Its bright. Its cold (I HOPE). I love it. What I dont love is the stress of feeling like you have to get people gifts. Its so hard! Do I love getting gifts? YES. And I actually love giving them....when I have the money AND when I dont feel obligated. This year, being newlyweds, we really dont have the extra to spend on everyone. Now dont get me wrong...we're still doing gifts. Just not what everyone would expect. I just hope it goes over well. I hope they see past the present.
In other news, we are volunteering and Poteet Theatre this week (hopefully will get to see Mrs.Cyndi Steele Harrod knock Ms. Hannigan out of the park). I just bought Kelly Clarkson's "Stonger" album and She & Him's Christmas Album. AND I can finally go look at Christmas lights! SO excited.
I absolutely LOVE being married. Its the greatest thing since sliced bread. We've been married now for 2 months and 2.5 weeks and every day is an adventure. Its just right.
Sure not everything is easy, but we have just about the same amount and level of "rough patches" as we did dating. They are very small and far between and we always end up making it better. Its life and it goes on and as long as it goes on with him, Im okay.
There are two things I have noticed since being married.
1. I cant spend money whenever I want. Its really hard to not just go buy the new pairs of shoes that you want because you know you have the money in your bank. REALLY hard. But we're on a budget and Im sticking to it. We're sticking to it. We're determined to save from the beginning (which we have) and never be caught up a financial creek. So far, we're doing really well. We have about 2 months of our expenses saved up. Sure there may be things we want to do along the way (vacations, etc) but we want to buy a house and have a significant amount to put down and still have some in savings. So we're saving. And Im passing on shoes and hoodies and impulse buys until then. :)
2. When you get married, your friends seem to disappear. I think its probably something that starts in the midst of an engagement and then you see the full results after the wedding is over. Im sure its because you're focusing on each other and the joys of being married and being with each other. But it is nice to be with others too. Its hard to feel forgotten. To feel like you've done something wrong or offensive (or that maybe they just dont really enjoy your company after all). Its rough. I will survive with my husband, but it would be a much more fulfilled and joyful life if we had community to enjoy (outside of xbox headsets). And I get that friendship is a two way street....but it would be nice to feel like people weren't detouring away from our street all the time. Its been so long since we've been asked or contacted and it gets so hard to ask and get turned down so much. Empty promises and "we'll get together sometime"s are hard.
We just had a four day Thanksgiving weekend which we spent relaxing. It was nice. He helped me decorate for Christmas (because for some stupid weird reason, this year I wasnt motivated to do it like before). We had a spontaneous mini-date at Hey Day and played an hour of laser tag (thanks to buy 1 get 1 free). We did laundry, played lots of Halo Reach, slept in and stayed up late. And then there's Thanksgiving. This year my mom and her new husband took Cara to San Diego, CA to spend the holidy with my step sisters. Jana and Ryan went to his parents. And Jeremiah and I went to his parents for the meal. We had a wonderful time there. I love my inlaws. And then we went over the soon to be wed, John and Dale's for desserts. We ended up staying there for 3 hours just chatting it up...which is a favorite past time of mine with them. I cannot wait for their wedding in December (even though Im not able to attend physically)!!
However this was the first year Ive not seen any of my family. Its not about not loving who I did spend it with. Its about missing my own blood. My own traditions. It was weird. I dont like it. I never really thought it would be a big deal. But it is. Im going to need this not happen again. My family is my center. My support. My haven. So I need that in my life. I NEED it. Im going to be more conscious of this next holiday.
Which brings me to Christmas. I love this time of year. Its cheerful. Its bright. Its cold (I HOPE). I love it. What I dont love is the stress of feeling like you have to get people gifts. Its so hard! Do I love getting gifts? YES. And I actually love giving them....when I have the money AND when I dont feel obligated. This year, being newlyweds, we really dont have the extra to spend on everyone. Now dont get me wrong...we're still doing gifts. Just not what everyone would expect. I just hope it goes over well. I hope they see past the present.
In other news, we are volunteering and Poteet Theatre this week (hopefully will get to see Mrs.Cyndi Steele Harrod knock Ms. Hannigan out of the park). I just bought Kelly Clarkson's "Stonger" album and She & Him's Christmas Album. AND I can finally go look at Christmas lights! SO excited.
Friday, July 15, 2011
If I Loved You....Oh, I do.
I must say that I feel extremely loved and extremely lucky in life.
In the past month I have encountered situations that have let love shine boldly and bravely and they have truly touched me. My grandmother, Geneva Cearley, passed away on June 30th. We all knew it would be soon, so I had planned to go to rehearsal on the 30th, and then go to Enid around noon on July 1st. This was my plan. However, I walked into rehearsal where Cyndi and Shawna met me with what Id probably call tough love. They insisted that I leave and go to Enid immediately so that I wouldn't miss saying my goodbyes. It wasn't an order. It wasn't a command or them trying to make me feel something I wasn't. It was two women that I love, loving me enough to make me do what I needed to do. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Without their love, I would have missed getting to share mine with my grandma in her last hours. I can tell you that if it had ended up that way, I would have been devastated.
Through all the deaths in my life, I don't ever remember saying goodbye. Ive always had reasons (whether mine or my parents) to not go. I don't regret them. But this time was different. She was different. My family was different. This was the last parent of my moms...the last grandparent I had left. I needed to be there. I needed to be with her and I needed to be with my family. Deaths are a crazy thing. They are bittersweet. But they really bring people together. The love of my family that day and the days to follow made me so appreciative of them. I know that no matter what happens, family is always there. No family is perfect, but when they need to come together and be FAMILY, they do. Its loving unconditionally. Its beautiful.
On another note, my rehearsals for Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Carousel" began. It had been over a year since I had been involved in theatre. I took a hiatus to enjoy dating Jeremiah...which is a good thing as it turned into a proposal! :) It was the best decision Ive ever made. However, getting back into the grind was not so easy. I was lucky enough that Laura handled everything for me until music rehearsals started (among MANY other things she has done for me and this show since then). It was a gift that I cant repay. I had many struggles...mainly, calendar issues...and my cast and staff stuck with me. They never got angry with me or threw diva fits over it. I must tell you, the mistakes weren't small all the time. Yet, they took it with a grain of salt and adjusted! I am so lucky to have a cast that understands that I know what I'm doing I'm just rusty and have a billion things going at once. Seriously...55+ people that all treated me with kindness despite my ignorant mistakes which caused their inbox to be bombarded daily. I am blessed.
Not only does my cast love me, but my fiance has to be the best man in the world. After all, what man is going to willingly give up (more or less) his fiance for 2 months almost every night in the midst of wedding planning in the 3 months before their wedding? Jeremiah Parris did. I am blown away by his understanding through out this process. Not only his understanding but his support. He has done everything from my laundry to bringing me dinner when Ive been too rushed to remember my own. He even came up after a few rehearsals and helped us with the set. It make the show that much more special to me to look at the set and know that he helped. That may seem silly, but it just makes me love the show (and him) that much more! Once upon a time I had said "I will never be involved with someone who makes me choose theatre or them." He doesn't make me choose. He just chooses me %100. Its incredible. I'm a lucky woman. I am so happy that my schedule has finally opened up a little to allow me some time to see him! And in 57 days, I will be a lucky wife!
Wife. I still get excited and eager over the word....these next 57 days need to fly by. However, I'm learning that I still have a "few" things that need to be done! So August is going to be crunch month. I'm going to need help I think to make sure it all gets done. I'm sure I'll be asking Jana a ton of questions! Our families have been SO amazing throughout the wedding process. We've been blown away by the financial support that we received (including those who continually saved cans for us!) We have just been beyond blessed by everyones generosity and helping hand. You're all allowing us to have a beautiful wedding, and not go broke.
And last but not least, I know that I am sincerely cared for at the theatre because they moved a big audition so that they could attend our wedding. Really? Wow. I honestly have no words to show my level of gratitude and appreciation for that.
Life is shaping up just fine. We are moved into our new apartment (big thanks to my future in-laws)...well technically I am moved in...Jer will join me in 57 days! Tech week is over (hallelujah and amen) and we open tonight! Buy your tickets at www.poteettheatre.com. My new job is wonderful. Life is good. Love is all around.
Now if I could just squeeze in a seester date....all would be right with the world.
In the past month I have encountered situations that have let love shine boldly and bravely and they have truly touched me. My grandmother, Geneva Cearley, passed away on June 30th. We all knew it would be soon, so I had planned to go to rehearsal on the 30th, and then go to Enid around noon on July 1st. This was my plan. However, I walked into rehearsal where Cyndi and Shawna met me with what Id probably call tough love. They insisted that I leave and go to Enid immediately so that I wouldn't miss saying my goodbyes. It wasn't an order. It wasn't a command or them trying to make me feel something I wasn't. It was two women that I love, loving me enough to make me do what I needed to do. I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Without their love, I would have missed getting to share mine with my grandma in her last hours. I can tell you that if it had ended up that way, I would have been devastated.
Through all the deaths in my life, I don't ever remember saying goodbye. Ive always had reasons (whether mine or my parents) to not go. I don't regret them. But this time was different. She was different. My family was different. This was the last parent of my moms...the last grandparent I had left. I needed to be there. I needed to be with her and I needed to be with my family. Deaths are a crazy thing. They are bittersweet. But they really bring people together. The love of my family that day and the days to follow made me so appreciative of them. I know that no matter what happens, family is always there. No family is perfect, but when they need to come together and be FAMILY, they do. Its loving unconditionally. Its beautiful.
On another note, my rehearsals for Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Carousel" began. It had been over a year since I had been involved in theatre. I took a hiatus to enjoy dating Jeremiah...which is a good thing as it turned into a proposal! :) It was the best decision Ive ever made. However, getting back into the grind was not so easy. I was lucky enough that Laura handled everything for me until music rehearsals started (among MANY other things she has done for me and this show since then). It was a gift that I cant repay. I had many struggles...mainly, calendar issues...and my cast and staff stuck with me. They never got angry with me or threw diva fits over it. I must tell you, the mistakes weren't small all the time. Yet, they took it with a grain of salt and adjusted! I am so lucky to have a cast that understands that I know what I'm doing I'm just rusty and have a billion things going at once. Seriously...55+ people that all treated me with kindness despite my ignorant mistakes which caused their inbox to be bombarded daily. I am blessed.
Not only does my cast love me, but my fiance has to be the best man in the world. After all, what man is going to willingly give up (more or less) his fiance for 2 months almost every night in the midst of wedding planning in the 3 months before their wedding? Jeremiah Parris did. I am blown away by his understanding through out this process. Not only his understanding but his support. He has done everything from my laundry to bringing me dinner when Ive been too rushed to remember my own. He even came up after a few rehearsals and helped us with the set. It make the show that much more special to me to look at the set and know that he helped. That may seem silly, but it just makes me love the show (and him) that much more! Once upon a time I had said "I will never be involved with someone who makes me choose theatre or them." He doesn't make me choose. He just chooses me %100. Its incredible. I'm a lucky woman. I am so happy that my schedule has finally opened up a little to allow me some time to see him! And in 57 days, I will be a lucky wife!
Wife. I still get excited and eager over the word....these next 57 days need to fly by. However, I'm learning that I still have a "few" things that need to be done! So August is going to be crunch month. I'm going to need help I think to make sure it all gets done. I'm sure I'll be asking Jana a ton of questions! Our families have been SO amazing throughout the wedding process. We've been blown away by the financial support that we received (including those who continually saved cans for us!) We have just been beyond blessed by everyones generosity and helping hand. You're all allowing us to have a beautiful wedding, and not go broke.
And last but not least, I know that I am sincerely cared for at the theatre because they moved a big audition so that they could attend our wedding. Really? Wow. I honestly have no words to show my level of gratitude and appreciation for that.
Life is shaping up just fine. We are moved into our new apartment (big thanks to my future in-laws)...well technically I am moved in...Jer will join me in 57 days! Tech week is over (hallelujah and amen) and we open tonight! Buy your tickets at www.poteettheatre.com. My new job is wonderful. Life is good. Love is all around.
Now if I could just squeeze in a seester date....all would be right with the world.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wedding Nightmares are the worst.
Last night was the most awful dream, really more of a nightmare. It was about, you guessed it, the wedding. Everything was going wrong. My makeup artist lady was late, and when she got there was unfocused. We hadnt done a run though and she didnt know what she wanted to do. Lacy was no where to be found. We were getting married in this wedding chapel country club place that had different weddings going on in all the different rooms. People kept coming back to talk to me or my mom and seeing me in the dress completely unready. My cousins Jake and Nate were not there and they were supposed to be. There wasnt even 50 people attending. Needless to say, I was hysterical the entire time. The ENTIRE time. So much so that when I woke up this morning, I felt more tired than before I went to bed. How is that even possible?
So all of these things need not to happen. Kapeesh?
So all of these things need not to happen. Kapeesh?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Trials, Testing, and Overcoming
My life has been crazy lately. I wish I were better at blogging so that they wouldn't have to be so long. But I at least blog once a month to keep everyone updated. Maybe one day I will have Internet at home and can be a "real blogger" as Jana says. Anyway, I have so much to blog about, however I have either not had the time/ability to blog or have not felt it was the right time. Well now its time.
This month has been a month of trial and testing. It started with work being super busy, which required me to work on Mothers Day (not cool). Then, I was fired for my job two days later for applying for a new job before telling my boss (REALLY NOT COOL). I don't want to get into the whole story of me getting fired, so that's the reason in a nutshell. Needless to say it was a devastating experience. Ive never been fired, and the reasons made it twice as hard. I was devastated for a day (and have had a few sad days here and there) but all in all it really taught me to trust the Lord. Getting fired right before moving (in July) and a few months before your wedding is absolutely terrifying. However, I did my best to trust that God was going to work it out. So I kept applying for jobs and saving what money I could - my tax return coming in three days after I got fired was a HUGE blessing as well. And it paid off.
The very job that I got fired for applying for, I got offered last Thursday. It is for The Bair Foundation. My first day was last Friday and the real training will start tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. There seems to be a lot to remember and take care of, but I know I can do it. I'm excited about working for a company that helps families and children. I think it will be very fulfilling and rewarding to be a part of such a ministry. I couldn't be more excited. Also, its amazing because the week honeymoon that we've already paid for, I will be able to use one of my weeks of vacation for! WHAT A RELIEF!! So I will begin a new career tomorrow more or less. It should be amazing. On the bright side of unemployment, I was able to complete all of our invitations which will be going out in about 20 days...EXCITING!
My mom got married this last weekend on May 14th. It was a beautiful touching ceremony and my mom glowed with beauty. It was special to have her family and closest friends there of course, but the most amazing part was that his three daughters, Crystal, April, and Tiffany, were able to come from California!
I will tell you that before Saturday morning, knowing I was about to have three new sisters that I had never met scared me to death. I was so nervous about not getting along or not having anything in common with them (especially since we would be 'entertaining' them for two days after the wedding). Let me tell you. I ADORE THEM. They are the most down to earth, easy going, FUN, beautifully amazing women. We instantly clicked. I seriously cant imagine having anyone any better than them to be an addition to our family.We spent the weekend hot tubbing, playing games, laughing, and just getting to know each other...it was perfect. Where else can you find 3 grown adults that want to play Murder in the Dark in a small hotel room at midnight? I must say I was a lot more disappointed that they were leaving than I ever thought I would be. I have thought about them almost every day since and cant wait until Jeremiah and I can make it out to CA to see them!
Since Mom and Preston are honeymooning I have been staying at moms with Cara and Sally (their dog). Anyone who knows Peanut, knows he's a handful and loves to play rough. Well Sally is a little lap chihuahua. They cant play. In fact all they do is growl and chase each other, occasionally trying to wrestle, which is quickly broken up. Its quite the task at times, so moments like this are priceless to me!
While its been nice to eat someone elses food, get all my laundry done, and have more channels on cable...I'm ready to be home. I miss my apartment and my bed. 2 more nights. Oh, and Jana, Cara, and I went and saw Rio earlier in the week. It was a cute movie, but the best part were these pictures.
Wedding planning hasn't progressed too much lately. We've really been focusing on where we are going to live. I have until July 1st to be out of my apartment so we're slowly running out of time to find somewhere. We have narrowed it down apartment-wise, however, we would really like a rent house. We are looking downtown and south okc/moore. If anyone knows of anything, please let us know! We are trying to find somewhere around $600/mo that takes pets...not the easiest task. Jer and I have driven ALL over town for the past two weekends...its exhausting. We have found a few we're interested in and sent out inquiries with email and phone so hopefully we will hear from them this weekend....We want Peanut to have a yard!!
For those of you that don't know, we're saving cans to raise money to help pay for the wedding. Its been really touching to me to see people saving their cans for us. Seriously. I cant tell you how much it means to me. We have made approximately $70 total. That may not sound like much, but that's $70 that we didn't have before. I think its totally worth it. Its AWESOME! We cant thank you all enough!!!
I am about to start theatre up again at Poteet for Rogers and Hammerstein's Carousel. I'm excited. It has been over a year since I have been involved. But I must say I am a little nervous. Ive never done a show while having a significant other....and one not involved in theatre. Needless to say I think it will be a temporary adjustment. I know Jer and I will be fine, it was just be a little hard. We're going to have to find little moments to see each other in between the scheduling. I think it will just make us stronger...and in the mean time I will get to enjoy Cyndi and the theatre again.
Jeremiah and I have been reading "His Needs, Her Needs" for pre-marital counseling. I never realized that reading a book out loud would be such a great tool. As we read to each other we have been discussing all kinds of things that I don't think would have come up otherwise. I think its a really productive thing and I look forward to each time we read now. Its not always easy, in fact last nights was a difficult chapter for me, but we're growing. Its beautiful. I cant imagine living a minute without him by my side. 3 months, 18 days, and 17 hours....
This month has been a month of trial and testing. It started with work being super busy, which required me to work on Mothers Day (not cool). Then, I was fired for my job two days later for applying for a new job before telling my boss (REALLY NOT COOL). I don't want to get into the whole story of me getting fired, so that's the reason in a nutshell. Needless to say it was a devastating experience. Ive never been fired, and the reasons made it twice as hard. I was devastated for a day (and have had a few sad days here and there) but all in all it really taught me to trust the Lord. Getting fired right before moving (in July) and a few months before your wedding is absolutely terrifying. However, I did my best to trust that God was going to work it out. So I kept applying for jobs and saving what money I could - my tax return coming in three days after I got fired was a HUGE blessing as well. And it paid off.
The very job that I got fired for applying for, I got offered last Thursday. It is for The Bair Foundation. My first day was last Friday and the real training will start tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. There seems to be a lot to remember and take care of, but I know I can do it. I'm excited about working for a company that helps families and children. I think it will be very fulfilling and rewarding to be a part of such a ministry. I couldn't be more excited. Also, its amazing because the week honeymoon that we've already paid for, I will be able to use one of my weeks of vacation for! WHAT A RELIEF!! So I will begin a new career tomorrow more or less. It should be amazing. On the bright side of unemployment, I was able to complete all of our invitations which will be going out in about 20 days...EXCITING!
My mom got married this last weekend on May 14th. It was a beautiful touching ceremony and my mom glowed with beauty. It was special to have her family and closest friends there of course, but the most amazing part was that his three daughters, Crystal, April, and Tiffany, were able to come from California!
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| Crystal, Tiffany, April |
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| I Miss My Sisters |
While its been nice to eat someone elses food, get all my laundry done, and have more channels on cable...I'm ready to be home. I miss my apartment and my bed. 2 more nights. Oh, and Jana, Cara, and I went and saw Rio earlier in the week. It was a cute movie, but the best part were these pictures.
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| Apparently the teeth were a last minute decision. |
 |
| Sister Date. |
 |
| I love my seester. |
Wedding planning hasn't progressed too much lately. We've really been focusing on where we are going to live. I have until July 1st to be out of my apartment so we're slowly running out of time to find somewhere. We have narrowed it down apartment-wise, however, we would really like a rent house. We are looking downtown and south okc/moore. If anyone knows of anything, please let us know! We are trying to find somewhere around $600/mo that takes pets...not the easiest task. Jer and I have driven ALL over town for the past two weekends...its exhausting. We have found a few we're interested in and sent out inquiries with email and phone so hopefully we will hear from them this weekend....We want Peanut to have a yard!!
For those of you that don't know, we're saving cans to raise money to help pay for the wedding. Its been really touching to me to see people saving their cans for us. Seriously. I cant tell you how much it means to me. We have made approximately $70 total. That may not sound like much, but that's $70 that we didn't have before. I think its totally worth it. Its AWESOME! We cant thank you all enough!!!
I am about to start theatre up again at Poteet for Rogers and Hammerstein's Carousel. I'm excited. It has been over a year since I have been involved. But I must say I am a little nervous. Ive never done a show while having a significant other....and one not involved in theatre. Needless to say I think it will be a temporary adjustment. I know Jer and I will be fine, it was just be a little hard. We're going to have to find little moments to see each other in between the scheduling. I think it will just make us stronger...and in the mean time I will get to enjoy Cyndi and the theatre again.
Jeremiah and I have been reading "His Needs, Her Needs" for pre-marital counseling. I never realized that reading a book out loud would be such a great tool. As we read to each other we have been discussing all kinds of things that I don't think would have come up otherwise. I think its a really productive thing and I look forward to each time we read now. Its not always easy, in fact last nights was a difficult chapter for me, but we're growing. Its beautiful. I cant imagine living a minute without him by my side. 3 months, 18 days, and 17 hours....
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