Happy Birthday Mama

I have not experienced being a mother yet in my lifetime, but I have experienced what it means to be a mother by being the child of an amazing woman.

Nina Boyd

When I was little, I'm told that I was not the easiest child. We're talking...throw yourself on the floor in public and bang your head on the ground...kind of child. On top of that, I was the middle child. So honery and attention seeking were often in my nature (at home...public is another story). But no matter what, I remember my mother's love. It was shown to me in so many different ways. Like picking me up after I'd fallen down and kissing my "owies" to make them feel better. Or checking my sheets at bedtime to show me in fact that there were NO snakes waiting on my feet for dinner. Or always being there to let me lay in her lap, stroking my arms and hair when I didnt feel well...followed by bedtime prayers and singing me to sleep. I was her sunshine, and no one could tell me any different.

As a teen, I feel like for the most part I leveled out. However, I became less confident and completely unsure of my worth (as I believe a lot of teens do). But she was always there to encourage me....speak LIFE into me....and remind me that it didnt matter how others made me feel or what others thought. I was special. I was beautiful. I was worth it. When I'd have my headstrong moments, she didnt meet me with anger and aggression. She remained calm and reasonable. She often met my defiance with tears...which was more effective with me than any punishment or discipline she could have ever imagined. Her tears showed her love. Showed her concern. I may not have known it then, but I do now. It wasnt about control...it was about concern. Even when she had lost herself and her world had fallen apart, she poured everything she had into us. When I was in a situation when those who were supposed to defend me didnt... I was finally branching out and using my wings and free will for the first time but my safety net was refusing to catch me...she swooped in. She did everything in her power to make me safe and bring me home. She protected me. She'd let me spread my wings to fly, but carried me back to the safety of her nest to tend to my wounds with no judgments.

 As an adult, I watched my relationship with my mom transform into something completely different. If someone had told me when I was little that my mom would be one of my best friends I'd have laughed in their faces. But they would have been %100 right. She's one of the first people I want to tell things. She's the one who I can count on to do anything for me. When I moved out, and thought I was ready to be on my own....but one lease term later decided that I wasnt ready...she let me move home...again and again and again (and again and again...I moved a lot). She was as giddy and excited for me as I was, when Jeremiah became my official boyfriend. And though I was grown up and out on my own, when I got so sick I couldnt walk the 4 flights of stairs to my apartment she picked me and Peanut up...and took us back to her house to take care of me until I was all better. When I got wrongfully let go from a job just DAYS before her wedding day, she weeped with me and shared in my rage against injustice. And on my wedding day, she glowed with pride, making me feel safe and calm and like the most special woman in the world.

I'm not saying my mom was perfect. No human being is or ever will be. Thats whats so beautiful about the human race. We're all beautifully imperfect. For instance, if you ask her now about why werent allowed to watch The Smurfs or have My Little Pony she laughs and says "I didnt know any better at the time! I was just just doing my best to protect you." And its true. The reasons behind the things we look back on now as silly, were genuine and out of true love. She was just finding her way through motherhood like I imagine every mom has to. But to this day, there is not one grudge or hard feeling I have toward her...nor is there even a fight that I remember us having. Its all love and the lessons you can learn from it.

My mother. Mom. Mama.

It seems like there's almost an unspoken rule in being a mother that you do whatever you must to ensure your child's happiness and well being. My mom excels at that rule (she's always been a rule follower after all). She sacrificed (more than Im sure I will ever be aware of) so that we never went without. She put herself last and her children first. She was always there to support me.  Love was always what it should be. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

ALWAYS.

I only hope that when Im a mother I can do as wonderful a job as she did. I can only pray that others who may not have had the experience with their own mothers that I have had, will find that kind of love from other "mothers".

Whats almost more incredible, is she's not just an amazing mom. She's just simply an amazing human being. Shes one of the strongest women I know. Her character is pretty hard to beat. She will show you what being a Godly woman of worth is really about. Her family and friends adore her and sing her praises (even though she's not one for attention). Her work ethic and professionalism is hard to touch and her employers depend on her. Her husband adores her and treats her like the precious jewel and queen that she is.

Nina Boyd is one of a kind. And she's mine. 

Happy Birthday Mama! I love you more than any blog could ever express. ;) 

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my mama you'll be.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero. You're everything I would like to be. I can fly higher than an eagle. Because you are the wind beneath my wings"

Adventures of Homeownership: the first snow

 A little back story...when we bought our house the inspector had told us that we had a really nice unit. Looking at it, you can see it's not your average heating and air system...but we didn't really know much about it all. We just trusted him, we're glad it worked, and we're happy to be buying a home. Fast forward 9 months and we now know exactly what he meant.

This past week was our first snow storm. That being said, we had yet to test the heating unit to below freezing temperatures until then. We keep our house set at 69 when the heat is on...but the first night of snow it was only 66 degrees in our house. I didn't think much of it. We slept fine no biggie. Then Friday it was 61 degrees at bedtime. At that time I just thought it was our unit not keeping up with the freezing temperatures. I know, I know....that's not good reasoning considering we knew we had a good unit. But it's my first home! There are some things that repeated apartment life trained my brain to believe....that is one of them. I thought this was "normal". So we added blankets and were fine.

Saturday morning it was 59...FIFTY NINE! And after a few hours of being awake it was 56....this is when we realized something was wrong. I tried restarting the thermostat...pulled out the binder of manuals the previous owner had left us (every manual for everything she left in the home) and tried to figure out error codes....nothing helped. In fact, the unit would kick on and blow cold air. NOT GOOD! I tried calling American Standard....figuring they would help us troubleshoot since that was the manufacturer. They were closed. So we decided we had to call a repair man. After getting suggestions from friends and family, we decided to call a dealer that the manufacturer "suggested". We searched the website for the nearest dealer and called the first on the list: Shockley's Central Heating. 

They came out within a few hours, were very polite and proceeded to tell us that we don't have a really nice unit...we have one of the nicest you can get. He said that the filter alone would be $1200. That it's a tested filtration system, with results showing it can eliminate the flu virus from the air. He asked if we put the system in and when we told him it came with the house, he said we really lucked out and bought from the right lady. The bad news was, he thought it was the motor. And they couldn't get the part until Monday. 

What to do....what to do....we weren't sure. We had countless friends and family offer us their homes. It was quite humbling really and made me feel really loved and supported. In the end we decided to tough it out and stay in our house. I'm thankful for that decision now (though I'm pretty sure a sleepover with the Markmiller family would have been amazing). We moved our bed into the living room by the fire and my AMAZING in-laws not only brought space heaters once, but twice (after going to three stores to find two more). So we lit the fire, turned on the space heaters throughout the house and layered every blanket we had on the bed. 

It really wasn't ever too cold. It stayed around 57 which was bearable with the heaters...and let's face it...having your bed in the living room is actually pretty fun! Monday came around and Shockley's came back out...with our new motor. It was quickly installed and he knocked on the garage door with that look that just says "I've got bad news". It wasn't the motor...in fact it's the board that's bad. And apparently, this is such a rare thing (because the system is so nice) that they don't even keep the boards in stock! So we had to have it shipped from Texas .... praying the weather didn't delay it. 

It did. But only 1 day! Today we had the new board put in, the heat came on, and it was awesome! What's more awesome, is that because the previous owner left all her paperwork I had the warranty registration which meant that the entire system is under warranty! That meant all we had to pay was $164 for labor/service. INCREDIBLE! And as I signed the work order it stopped....seriously?! The repairman quickly discovered it was our pre-filter and showed me how to clean that to prevent this from happening again...I guess when the unit can't "breathe" it shuts off when it gets too hot! Once he put it all back together it worked great and we are back to 69 degrees! 

So all in all it took 1 week to get heat back, but it was kind of fun! And I've learned a few things from it: 

1. Shockley's is awesome and I am glad to have a heat and air "guy" that I trust and don't feel creeped out by. I highly recommend them...just a dad and his sons repairing your units! I like it.

2. We have the greatest friends and family who constantly checked on us, offered us a place to stay, and kept us warm!

3. The woman who sold us our house is a saint...she poured so much money into making sure the house was energy efficient...including our fancy schmancy heat and air. We could not feel more grateful for everything she did in our home. (The fact that we never went below 54 without heaters made me feel awesome about our home!)

4. My work is awesome because I was able to leave every time I needed to meet Shockley's. Not to mention they're just great in general and I love my job.

5. The OKC Thunder beat the Grizzlies and Kelly Clarkson is singing Christmas music...and we have heat. That's a great night!

6. I'm reminded this holiday season how often we take things for granted. Family. Friends. Jobs. Money. HEAT....

7. I am a beyond blessed woman who is so very thankful for all she has in life.

And peanut will be a little sad that the bed is going back where it belongs 

Adventures in emeals pt 1.

Well, we have tried emeals a few times before and while we really liked the idea of it (someone else planning your dinners, saving money, and having a grocery list made for you) we found that we really were left wanting more in the taste factors. However, this time around we have yet to be unsatisfied! 

Jer has discovered that processed tomatoes of any kind seem to really upset his stomach. So we went with the clean eating meal plan to try to avoid that... not to mention it can't hurt to eat healthier in general right? We committed to a three month plan (that gives you weekly dinners) and found a coupon code online (they are out there...www.retailmenot.com....don't pay full price). Also, we do the family plan so that we have leftovers for lunch etc. usually we have more than we need but id rather cook once and be done than add the lunch plan to our account and be cooking twice. :-)

Grocery shopping was a little bit of an undertaking just because I either couldn't find what I needed or we were going to make a substitution and I was figuring that out in my brain. I use the app so that makes grocery shopping fairly painless, AND I don't have to write on my paper copies. I do however write on the copies notes of what we liked or didn't, or any change we made.

The first meal was chicken corn chowder with a strawberry spinach salad. 

It was DELICIOUS. The salad called for goat cheese, but no way. I'm all for trying some new things but not that, not yet. We used feta, and it was awesome. The chowder I felt was a little thin but really really good! If you're dairy sensitive it may give you some pretty hearty gas though, just FYI. 

The second meal was coffee marinated chicken with blueberry sauce and lemony garlic peas. 

While it wasn't my favorite sauce I still liked it. The chicken was really good! I also really enjoyed the peas. Jer didn't care for either item but managed to eat it anyway. So it couldn't be TOO bad right? We were supposed to use snow peas....but I not only had never heard of them but couldn't find them either. So regular peas worked just fine! The sauce was probably a little thicker than it should have been, but all in all still a successful meal. 

The third meal was supposed to be horseradish-dill salmon with wild rice and asparagus. I don't have a picture of this one because we were so hungry by the time it was ready (and it was so good) I forgot to take a picture of it! We couldn't find salmon, so we bought cod. However, it had a puncture in the bag and just to be safe we threw it out and substituted chicken. Yum. Yum. YUM! I don't care much for fish anyway, so I was glad to know chicken was just as yummy. They said to grill it...but I pretty much use my George Foreman grill for anything that I can (some you can't...later in the week). Also, the asparagus would have been better in the rice if it were chopped a little smaller. We didn't like the big pieces. 

Fourth meal: Mushroom and Onion Quiche in a Potato Crust with Summer Fruit Salad

This made a perfect Saturday brunch! It was supposed to be asparagus not onion, but ours had gone bad before time to use it. I personally think the onion was probably better! I had forgotten to put cheese in so I had to pour out the egg, spoon the veggie mix back into the pan, put cheese in and then report egg....I was worried. However, it was amazing! Jer said possibly his favorite meal yet...EVER in emeals. I also added apples that we needed to eat to the salad. I think next time I would keep the apples and not out peaches and maybe add another kiwi! Who knew I liked kiwi!? It made SO much. But it's perfect for parfait breakfast as left overs. I'm a huge fan of this. This meal made me want to play and create my own dishes now, starting with potato cakes. 

And then today's meal.....Flank Steak with a Corn Salad and Grilled Zucchini 

Oh. My. Word. 

This one we did on the actual grill because you grilled bell peppers and corn for your salad. We did those separately and then out the steak and zucchini on. That corn salad was so awesome! It was so fresh on the steak. Delicious. The zucchini was good too. Next time I think I will slice the zucchini a little thinner instead of just in half. But it was great too! Jer LOVED this one. He can't wait to take it to work and show it off tomorrow. 

We did skip two meals this week...I will say we will probably always skip one. Cooking every night like this is tedious and tiring at times and sometimes you just want to come home and sit on the couch. So we get a "quick meal" when we grocery shop for those nights that cooking from scratch sounds too much to bear haha. Also, the app lets you skip meals and it adjusts your shopping list FOR YOU. it's genius. I love it.

So there you go. I highly suggest emeals clean eating program. We are excited about this week's meals...pulled pork nachos here we come! For more info or to sign up yourself go to: http://emeals.com/account/go.php?r=243091&i=b11

Oh and we also baked a Dark Rum Bundt Cake that was amazing and made me want to bake Bundt cakes monthly. 

It stuck to the pan on one side...but for our first try it was a win!

Testing 1,2,3

This is my life right now. 

Though I am getting better at getting up earlier. 

And by earlier I mean on time. 

And by on time, I mean 15 to 30 minutes later than my first alarm :-) 

But hey, it's a work in progress right?

***this blog is mainly to test how easy/hard it is to blog from my ipad***

Passion

8. What are 5 passions you have?

_________________________________________________

1. Musicals - At first I had put theatre. But then I realized that I am NOT passionate about plays. :) I enjoy them, I wouldnt MIND working on them...but they are NOT a passion. I NEED musicals in my life. I need to watch them. I need to be in them. I need to work on them. Ya.

2. Family - My family is the most important thing to me. I am so blessed to have such a great family.

3. My relationship with my husband - I love him so much and I love our constantly growing relationship. Today is 10 months married and I cant wait until its been 10 years and more. He was made for me.

4. My Dog - Dont mess with Peanut...or angry mama will come out. Ive ripped German Shepherds off of him before without thinking. He is my baby and I will not stand for harm coming to him. Not to mention his cuddles are the greatest ever. "Times like this a girl needs a dog"

5. Serving - I truly truly love helping others. And when I can do it without anyone knowing about it...I enjoy it more. There's something so amazing about knowing you're making someone else's day better. If I didnt HAVE to work...I would strictly be a volunteer.

#7. Dream Job

7. What is your dream job, and why?

When you think about dream jobs as a kid, you think about being a nurse, or a vet (all girls want to be a vet as a kid). I had all those "dreams" and then some! I'm pretty sure at one point I wanted to be a fire fighter. I blame Rescue 911 for that one. But as I got older, I realized that I had no desire for any profession.

When all the other kids were talking about what college they were going to and for what degree...I felt strange. I felt like I should want to be like them. But I didn't. I didn't want to go to college because I didn't want one of those degrees. I didn't want a regular ol job. And I certainly wasn't going to go pay for a degree that I would never use just to say that I went! (Not to mention the idea of sitting in a class full of strangers listening to lectures terrified me)

The truth is, I have always wanted to be a homemaker. A wife. A mom. A cook. A taxi. A medic. All those things that make up a good homemaker. That is what I want to do. And yes, "DO". People that think homemakers are just women who want to be lazy and refuse to work are crazy. There are plenty of women out there that do that...nothing. They sit on their butts and complain and let their house and children get out of control. I want to slap those kinds of women for giving those of us who actually want to create and provide a substantial home life for our families a bad name.

I want to be the woman who wakes up and fixes lunches and sees her family out the door before she takes the dog for their morning walk and run all the days errands. I want to be the woman who has the home clean and a real dinner prepared by the time her husband comes home. I want to be the woman who takes her kids to soccer and ballet (anything but football and hockey really) and brings snacks for all the other kids. I want to be the woman who not only keeps herself healthy but her family as well. I want to be the woman who has craft night, blanket fort night, and backyard camping nights with the kids while still being able to have date nights with my husband.

I want to do all of those things. And yes, that's a lot. But that's why its a "job". Its not a job in the sense that its something that I HAVE to do. Its a job in the sense that its work. Its something that will require diligence and patience and organization and time management and financial accounting. Its something that that I will have to work at but its something I want more than absolutely anything in the world. And maybe I cant do all those things (at least not at first) but I will do my damnedest trying.

{Plus, as a bonus, once my kiddos are a little older, I will have time to do theatre as a mom. To be able to be more involved while their away or in school etc. Right now, I have to work. So theatre is an addition to working and family. When my family is my work, it will make things easier (eventually ha). At least I think so. I sure do plan on it working out better in some manner that's for sure. }

I know this dream job is a while off from being able to come true. I'm okay with that! I dont mind working. I know its something that I have to do right now at this stage in my life. I know that its not an option and that's fine with me! Would I rather be home creating, cooking, and cleaning? YES!! But I'm lucky to have a husband that understands that I work a 9-5, so the house may not be clean all and the dinner may not be ready all the time. One day I will get to be a mom. One day. But until that day comes, I will work and see it as part of the process. Sometimes people just look at the goal...the end result and completely forget the beauty that can be in the process and progress. I too am guilty of overlooking it. But I try to remind myself all  the time...it will be your time one day. And when it is, you may miss these days....SO enjoy what you have when you have it.

My dream job will be reality one day. But until that day, I'm happy with my current one.

Honesty Unveiled: 6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

{ This was an email I wrote to my mom today...who has lost a ton of weight eating healthy and exercising. She's a fifty-something woman in great shape who goes to kick ass bootcamp three times a week...she's incredible. And she's my rock. I felt like unveiling the fears etc might be healthy. So I just decided to post my email}

Ok. So tell me the details of bootcamp again.




I have to do something.



I feel like Im lost at sea drowning with no help in sight. I almost had a meltdown over it at work this morning when talking to Jer.



I have the "its hard to even try because I always quit and fail" mindset. Where it feels like its never going to get better. That Im always going to be unhealthy and Im just going to end up even larger. Like being on a roller coaster that you have no control over that never ends. Its terrifying. It scares me so much I feel like there's no sense in trying...because I will just end up failing again.



Clothes arent fitting. Im eating crap (all the time...in excess). Im not active. Im failing. And it honestly feels like Im failing my husband too. He is positive and reassurring to me and all that. He tells me Im beautiful and pretty etc. But no matter what he says, I dont feel it, so its hard to receive. I have only gained, not lost, despite my few attempts at trying. I just dont know what to do anymore,and its too hard.



Jer has said he will get up and start running with me in the morning. Which will be good. If he will. And if I dont have to drag him out of bed. Im not sure Im strong enough for me, little alone for him too. And Im sure he will support whatver I have to do. He's really amazing with me...as he should be. :) I just..ya. Im sure you relate to all the things Ive said from some point in your life.



It just makes me feel like Im a bad wife for not taking care of myself. And of course theres the whole lack of self love thing. I know, that I want to be healthy. Not just for self esteem and for making my husband proud of me...but for my future. I dont want to be one of those pregnant ladies you cant tell are pregnant. I dont want to be the overweight mom who cant get down on the ground with her kids and play. I want to be an active soccer mom. Not the one who sweats on the sidelines. Its not fair to me, them, or Jer.



And yet, here I am...where I've been a billion times. Knowing the problem...unable to actually make the solution a reality.



Why couldnt God have given our family the high metabolism genes?! :)